Oh helllllll nawwwwwlllll! I. CANNOT. DEAL. Look, I can’t stand when people address celebrities (or other people) as if they can hear them (or like, read their Facebook statuses), but, Chris. Chris, are you listening to me? (whispering) Listen to me, Chris. It’s one thing to fight with Drake, okay? It’s another thing to fight with Rihanna (yeah, I’m going there). But if you EVER, EVEREVEREVEREVEREVER IN YOUR LIIIIIIIIFE hurt my Forrest Gump/Pyramids/Super Rich Kids-crooning boo, Frank Ocean, I will come find you myself. You wanna jump people, Chris? You wanna jump MY boo? Chris. I will find you. And I will peel every single last one of those ridiculous ass tattoos off of your body with my own fingernails. I’ll start with the one on your neck, and I’ll go from there. I’m not gonna get medieval on your ass, Chris. I’ll get Willow on your ass? Did you watch Buffy, Chris? Did you SEE what Willow did to Warren after he killed Tara? Yeah. NO. Like that, but worse. Whew. Okay y’all, I’m back. Click inside to learn more about why Frank Ocean is my innocent lil’ baby and Chris Brown is [still] the worst (although, of course, Chris‘s friends maintain that Frank started the fight… whatever).
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