Um hey. Are you guys… okay? Is everybody okay out there? Or are you still in recovery? Walking around and doing normal things like going to work and/or school– kind of pulling a Cyrus and doing that thing where you act completely fine even though you just had a heart attack. Yeah, I figured you were doing that. I understand, and I’m right there with you. So let’s all just click inside where it’s safe and warm for Gladiators everywhere. No, but for real. Pull it together guys, we have some serious Scandal recapping to do!!!
Here’s my problem with Scandal. Um. It was a great show last season and now it’s getting better, and I can’t deal with that. I’ll never forget the first time I sat down to watch this glorious brain child of Shonda Rhimes. We had just ordered a free trial of Hulu Plus and all seven episodes of the first season were on there so we decided to watch one. The first minute of the show began with Harrison and Quinn meeting each other in a bar, and Quinn getting offered a job. Immediately, I wasn’t that into it. They were talking too fast, it was way too dramatic, I was already over it, lol. And then something happened, everything happened and at the end of episode one I was like, okay, we have to watch the second one and by the end of episode two I was like, okay I know it’s late but let’s watch one more and by the time we got through ‘one more’ we were like okay we’re gonna need some snacks from the convenient store to help keep us up all night.
By the end of the seventh episode I was already regretting this moment, this moment I’ve having right now. I watched season one over the summer, and season 2 was only a month or so away. I knew that if I started watching the next season, I would be losing my mind by the end of it, and I’d be forced to wait an eternity for the following season! Here we are in MAY, and I’m in a glass case of emotion (just like I was after watching Season 1… only worse, probably) and I have to wait a million, billion years for the Season 3 premiere?! I can’t do it! I can’t and I won’t, lmao. No, but seriously. Shonda Rhimes has ruined EVERYTHING that was good and normal in my life and I won’t be able to move on properly until September. Awesome for me, awesome for my kids. Sigh. Let’s do the damn thing.
Season 2, Episode 22: White Hat’s Back On
1. Fitz Joins The Defiance Roundtable And Redefines The Term ‘Super Powers’
First of all, why do I love Hollis sooo much? Okay, seriously. Here’s why: because he’s awesome. Because he totally knew his daughter was bullshitting that one time she faked her own kidnapping. And because he was the only one eating while they were having this meeting, because only Hollis can enjoy a delicious salad while talking about rigged elections, and moles that he totally wants to kill, and he can do it all in front of the President of the United States ’cause that’s how Hollis rolls. I friggen love Hollis. And then in walks Fitz! Because now he’s hip to Defiance and he has a say, and it was hella awkward because, well, there was Olivia (looking kinda smug in the face, right?) and there was Mellie, begging to get out of there, and it was just madness.
While Mellie was freaking out (because she felt like, if Fitz was really gonna divorce her, she had no reason to be in the meeting), Olivia reminded everyone that although Billy Chambers was the mole, Defiance was really the problem. If they could get rid of the only proof of Defiance AKA the Cytron card, they could solve the problem (without killing Billy, as per Hollis’s plan). Everyone agreed, and everyone left– Cyrus went running after Mellie, desperately trying to convince her that the President was gonna come back to her, if she would just be patient; and naturally Fitz and Olivia stayed behind to get all lovey dovey and talk about a plan for the future… where Olivia would become FLOTUS?!?!
What are you always saying? That you’re brilliant. That you’re the best. Better than all my boys in The White House. So. Do what you do best. Fix it. Handle it… I don’t need fixing. I’m fine, I love you. The American public needs fixing. They love Mellie. They’re the ones with the problem. So come up with a plan to solve it… Use your super power.
Oh, and then Fitz went ahead and used ‘his super power.’ Um. WHHHHAAAAaaaaaat?! In front of us all?!?!?!?
Now if my sons ever wanna play superheroes, I’m gonna be like hell nawl. I don’t want anyone practicing “super powers” up in my house. You do that when you’re grown and you’re in your own space. And they’re gonna be like What?
2. Cyrus, It’s Fine. You’re Allowed To Have One Heart Attack Today.
When Cyrus started going in on Sally Langston, and his face got all red (like it always does), and his veins started popping (like they always do), I knew his heart attack was about one commercial break away.
You’re job has only two requirements Sally. One is to not die, the other is to be loyal to the President. Don’t die! Be loyal! The only other creature in this White House who has the same sweet deal is the Presiden’t dog, Hank! HANK can do those two simple things! Why can’t you?!
Cyrus! Sit DOWN, lmao! Next thing you know he’s in a meeting with the guy who turned out to be THE most important person in this episode, and he was being told to ‘drop the bomb’ AKA to show Fitz the sex tape betwixt Olivia and Jake:
I’m still unclear why any of this matters to B6-13. (Cyrus)
You know how people say ‘I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you’ at parties, and then everyone laughs? I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you. We are NOT at a party. And I am NOT laughing. (guy who turned out to be THE most important person in this episode)
Two seconds later Olivia called and told him Reston (the Presidential candidate Fitz beat… with the help of Defiance) was working with Billy Chambers. And then it was over. Cyrus’s heart lit’rally gave out. But it didn’t stop him from calling the President while in the ambulance, because it’s Cyrus and Cyrus is all like, Heart attacks? Ain’t nobody go time fo dat!
One of my absolute favorite parts of the episode was when the paramedic was trying desperately to take his blood pressure and Cyrus was like ‘IT’S BAD! VERY BAD! HOW’S THAT?!‘ As in, no need to, like, get the exact number or anything. It’s bad. It’s been bad since I was about 17. Can I make my phone call now? And then I think he told one of his people to shoot the guy when he took his phone. I love it. We all need to take up a collection and get him one of those ‘Employee of the Month’ plaques. I think he’d like that.
3. Oh, Okay. So Billy Chambers Has Just Been Laying Low And Killing Everybody.
WTF?! Who knew Billy Chambers had lit’rally killed, like, everyone who got killed this season (and last)?! OMG, this was so insane. In an attempt to get David to hand over the Cytron card, Billy reminds him of how awful Olivia Pope and the Gladiators are (they ruined his life, etc.), but he also confesses to everything! Didn’t he sound like a total maniac?! It was perfect. He killed the director of the CIA, he killed Wendy (the one who was found in David’s bed), and he friggen killed Molly (you in danger girl), because they all got in the way of his grand scheme at some point. This was when I felt like, there’s no way David’s really working this guy. Like, no way!
4. ‘Make No Mistake, You Are Going To Leave The White House,’ And Other Things You Probably Don’t Want To Hear, If You’re Mellie
So, there was this great moment when James (Cyrus’s hubbie) was on TV talking about how the President was totally meeting with his pastor in the wake of news about his affair, and basically made it seem like Fitz was committed to his family, and totally not practicing his super powers in secret rooms with Olivia. Hilarious (and we later find out Cyrus leaked the BS pastor story). But the other thing he said was that Fitz’s approval ratings were up, while Mellie’s were down because the public felt like she’d aired some Dirty Laundry (and not in the really cool, really moving Kelly Rowland way), but in a shady, bad wife, bad First Lady way. Mellie ran straight to the hospital to “visit Cyrus,” but was really hoping to feign an appearance with Fitz so the public could see them together again. I really can’t even paraphrase Fitz’s response to her, so here’s a direct quote that I never hope to hear in any form, from any man… lmao:
Mellie. This phase of our lives? Capitalizing on public support as a definition of marriage? Is over. Make no mistake– you are going to leave the White House. You’ll want your own political career, and I will back you, and campaign for you, and never speak of my ex-wife Mellie Grant in anything but the most glowing terms. And then in a year I will go on one or two high-profile dates with well-educated, age-appropriate career women, which will be chronicled in immaculate detail in tabloids around the globe. And when word leaks six months later that I’ve been spending time with one of my oldest, dearest, most trusted advisors who selflessly acted as the mouthpiece of my administration when I was lying half-dead in a hospital bed, who has always stood beside me as my friend and colleague– when it gets out that she and I have started after all this time to care for one another in a way that is no longer strictly professional, America will LOVE her. Let’s be honest. My relationship with Olivia is going to spark a real dialogue about race in this country and it is going to blow the Republican party wide open and let some light and air into places that haven’t seen change in far too long. So the party will LOVE her. And you wanna be on the right side of history here, trust me. You do. Now. If you don’t wanna play along. If you leak Olivia’s name, if you refuse to go gently, well, it only takes a few whispers of the word ‘racist’ before the feminist groups, the religious groups, and even the Republican national party turn up their noses at your stink. But I don’t wanna do that Mellie! I wanna help you join me as a living, breathing monument to redemption, and second chances in the America we all hope still exists.
And honestly, I was kinda digging his speech/game plan, so I was a little bummed to see how things went down at the end of the episode :(
5. Who Was This Batch?!?!
No, but seriously. Who was this Batch?! We first saw her with the guy who turned out to be THE most important person in this episode and she kinda gave Jake this look because he didn’t want to ‘deliver’ Olivia to them. The second time we see her, she shows up at Olivia’s place to OFF her! Luckily, our trusty stalker/lover Jake was there to take care of her first (don’t you wish you had one of those now, in case of emergency?), but I need more information about this chic! All we know is that she was B6-13… but I feel like there’s def more to this story.
And there’s more to this recap! Click over for more!