OMFG: This Girl’s E-mail/Rant To Her Sorority Sisters Needs To Go Viral Immediately

That-Ish-Cray Of The Day

Y’all. I have read this letter a couple of times now, because I cannot believe it’s real. I keep looking for, like, some kind of super-weird glitch that would prove it was manufactured by an actual comedian and not a sorority girl… but so far, nothing. I think this e-mail is real y’all. And if it is, then I really, really should have joined a sorority. If only that I might have gotten one of these, or something comparable during my time in undergrad. Apparently, the chair of a sorority at the University of Maryland freaked the freak out when her fellow sorors started screwing up at recent events– and by ‘screwing up’ I guess I mean ‘F—— UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu‘ and ‘LITERALLY being so f—— AWKWARD and so f——- BORING.’ LMAO. I’m tempted to label this e-mail NSFW because you it is so foul and so over-the-top… I just can’t. Please. Click inside for more. I can’t stop laughing.

The e-mail was sent to Deadspin blog from one of their readers, who explained it in the following terms: “This is from the University of Maryland. Apparently, this is from the chair of a ‘lower tier, very awkward sorority’ that’s been matched up with a ‘pretty good frat’ for Greek Week.” LMAO.

And now I present to you the reason I never joined a sorority/the reason I’m currently regretting never having joined a sorority:

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee [first name redacted], I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.

This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

“But [first name redacted]!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the Greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

“Ohhh, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.

I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

-[Last name redacted]

OMG. Soooo many things, so many issues to discuss. Let’s use bullet points, ’cause it’s the only way I’ll get through this:

• She lit’rally calls them ASS HATS at one point.
• She writes WEIRD in caps so much, because weird is, like, a dirty foul word to her.
• ‘I will fucking cunt punt the next person…’ WHAT?! #Dead #Done
• ‘That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events.’ There’s no way this is real, right?
• Did she seriously use a homophobic slur against them at the end? Does that even make sense… like, for a sorority? What?!
• ‘I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck.‘ Now that’s how you offer a true, half-assed (or no-assed) apology. Love it.

Okay, now please tell me we have one reader who attends the University of Maryland, and has some more information to offer on the origins of this letter. I just… I need more information. Is this real? Is this how sorors get down in Maryland? This is insane. Y’all are insane. I love it.

P.S.– oh I see Gawker shared this as well, and yes. It’s real. So real, that they received another e-mail about it:

My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter’s list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names “Delta Gamma” and “Sigma Nu” from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter’s values nor Sigma Nu’s and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Rachel Norris

LMAO. Is it bad that we now know these are Deltas? Am I allowed to share this e-mail from Rachel on here? Yeah, no. I’m definitely sharing.

Soooo…. your thoughts?!?!

P.S.S. Gotta give it up to the original author for her excellent grammar and punctuation.

Source

Share:
| Posted under:
pink-is-the-new-blog
  1. Alecia

    I don’t even know where to begin. But I am glad I don’t have anything to do with these people.

  2. Ashley

    Ha! My friends and I have been passing this around all morning. As a former sorority girl, I’d love to tell you “OMG, this stuff is so crazy and never happens!”, but as a real person, I’ll tell you that while I never got an email quite this crazy, then emails, intercom announcements, etc warrent their own reality show. Girls are crazy. 20-something girls are crazy. 200+ 20-something girls when competing with other groups of 200+ 20-something girls are their own special breed of crazy, especially when it’s all in the name of “sisterhood”.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love my sorority, loved my times as an active, and cherish those memories like crazy (it’s how I met my best friends AND future husband – he was in our Greek Week partner frat), but we’re definitely a crazy bunch ;)

    • Ashley, thank you. That’s all I wanted to hear– that this world is real, lmao!

      I didn’t go to a school with sororities so I missed out on a lot of this, but I had friends at other schools who pledged and I know it’s not ALL crazy… but there is some crazy. This was a great (if not extreme) example of some of that I guess. Thanks for sharing your version!

  3. For anyone like me who didn’t recognize the word “SOR,” Urban Dictionary says:
    “The Slap of rightousness or SOR is a cuff round the back of the head when someone says somthing stupid, at the wrong time, or at all if they are that annoying.”

    So, that would be everyone, rather EVERYONE, involved with this.

  4. JM

    #dead

    This girl. Sweet child, have mercy. All I think of when I read this is #firstworldproblems. Also, I totally agree. Kudos to her for outstanding grammar and punctuation.

  5. Kelly

    OMG! I need to add “cunt punt” to my current vocab!

  6. This was hilarious! I mean, I get that she was going for “I’M A BADASS BITCH” and maybe that is how it came across to some of the recipients, but this is just hilarious. I want to read it over and over again. I just can’t take it seriously, which makes it even funnier.

  7. I wasn’t greek but I had a lot of friends who were…and I went to quite a few frat parties. Tee hee. I think they can be good to meet people, but they shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Clearly this person takes it all waaaaaaay to seriously. Could she be criminally charged for threatening violence against others?

  8. leah

    OMG HAHAHA thats the funniest thing I have seen in a while. I laughed so hard my boyfriend is yelling at me for being so loud. Ha Love it. I have to meet this girl!!! She is awesome. I can just imagine her typing this angrily. Ok road trip to Maryland stat!!

  9. WOW yeah, I’m so glad you shared this Shannon. Just goes to show that beauty isn’t how you look it’s HOW YOU ACT. That girl is Ugly.

  10. Shannon, I’m with you on not knowing where to start and having SO MANY thoughts running through your head on this one.

    I feel like I had a whole bunch of points to make about this letter but then I got to “…you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER” and everything else I wanted to say went out the window. I cannot with this girl…and I cannot with this level of irony!

    I’ll admit, I wasn’t in a sorority. I’m not against them – I just think they’re right for some people and not for others. We had every possible example in my family: my brother was in a fraternity. loved it, and it was really good for him; my sister-in-law was in a sorority and liked it for a while but didn’t really like it by the time she graduated; and then there was me…I knew right away I didn’t want to join one.

    BUT I had two roommates/friends one year who were both in the same sorority, so I went with them to some parties and got to see how it operated from the inside. It further cemented the fact that it wasn’t my thing. Some sororities fined its members if they couldn’t attend “mandatory” events during Greek Week. Mandatory study hours weren’t my thing either. During recruitment or Greek Week or one of those things, the officers decided what outfit the girls had to wear and they HAD to go out and buy the clothes (whether they had money or not) and had to MATCH.

    What reminds me the most of this letter, though, are two things I thought were so freakin’ weird. At the sorority meeting at least once, the girls had to talk about a new rule where the sisters could NOT hook up with a frat brother who was hosting their mixer until after 10 PM when the mixer was over, because it would make them look bad. 10:01 they could have sex with a brother anywhere in the frat house where other brothers were probably listening in and cracking jokes but not before because they’d be known as sluts if they hooked up during the mixer. (WHAT?!?!!) My other favorite was that, when a girl would do something the others didn’t like, they’d call her every name they could think of (she was a bitch, she was one of the hoe-bags hooking up at mixers, she was a cheating whore, etc.) but in the next breath it would be “but she’s my sister, I love her”.

    I think this girl needs to calm the eff down because at this rate, she’ll have a heart attack in her 30s. However, I can totally remember these types of issues from college. Yes, they do happen. And no, you probably didn’t miss any crucial life experience by not being a part of greek life in college.

    • Holy hell that was a lot. Sorry for the essay! I mean, I could go on more about women’s issues and slut-shaming from what I just had to type to describe those experiences. But let’s leave it at: this girl has severely damaged that sorority’s reputation, they will be a joke on campus for years to come, and that letter was OUT OF CONTROL.

  11. Keely

    I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the entire thing. Mostly because I don’t understand what she’s angry about. People not talking to other people? I wasn’t aware that was a bad thing.

    Which is probably another reason I’d have never been accepted into a sorority.

  12. Lauren xx

    I want to know if the email worked. Seriously. Does borderline-psychotic actually make the other girls not act awkward and weird? Can we get a follow up, Delta Gamma?? ;)

  13. dee

    “Cunt punt” is now stored away in my swear trunk for future use.

  14. Kate

    This is sad. I used to suspect we were becoming a more female-bashing nation, but now I know it.

    I went to a college which was in some ways like a giant sorority, but had no sororities, and more importantly no men. We still had catty issues with each other, but when I read this letter I realize I had it EASY.

  15. Luna

    I am actually quite impressed by her grammar! Perfect English! I bet she must be an English major.

  16. Erica

    “You can pay for school but you can’t buy class”.
    The last laugh is on this girl b/c this email could be grounds for dismissal from her chapter and sorority all together. If nothing else, I’m sure she was put on poor standing and not allowed to even attend the social events she apparently cares so much about. Perhaps this was not the organization for her. i’m just glad my sorority doesn’t have a chapter there b/c i would be ashamed if this was one of my sisters.

  17. Nizzy

    CUNT PUNT I will be saying forever.

  18. bromano

    Hysterical! The author has been identified and sounds like this letter pretty much sums up how she acts on a regular basis …. http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2013/04/rebecca-martinson-has-foul-mouthed-tweets-too-more-shit-courtesy-of-delta-gamma-sororitys-university-of-maryland/

  19. Martha

    Oh Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. I was totally and completely on your side until you busted out that homophobic slur. It was a really low and disgraceful note in an utterly fabulous email.

  20. Vanessa

    Hahaha I’m so glad you found this Shannon. I actually just graduated from Maryland a few years ago and was in a (different) sorority and know quite a few DGs. This email definitely did not surprise me (for the most part) – I feel like we would get this kind of talking-to at every major moment in the greek life cycle (homecoming, recruitment, greek week, etc.).
    Based on the reactions of my other (non-Greek) friends, I guess it is difficult to understand where her rage is coming from if you weren’t in greek life. I agree with Martha that I was enjoying reading the letter until she dropped those f-bombs which really is completely unacceptable (not that I’m really condoning the rest of her behavior).
    In general though, while I’ve been out of greek life for awhile and was never 100% devoted to the system, it is sad that these types of stories constantly get run while the positive parts of greek life (trust me, there actually are many out there) don’t get nearly as much coverage.

  21. EAW

    This email… I think everybody has already said it all. I went to University of Maryland, graduated a few years ago. I was not in Greek life (not against it…I was just involved in other things to meet people/occupy free time). I had a lot of friends who were Greek, and don’t recall ever hearing anything remotely this cray cray. I think girls who behave like this exist lots of places and it is a bit upsetting that my university (& Greek life, & their entire chapter) would get a negative reputation from one person who needed to take a few deep breaths. Just another example of how you really have to think about what you put on the internet. Once it’s out there, it’s forever

  22. Lindsay

    So it seems the whole of this is the frat guys aren’t getting properly laid. So she’s a pimp. Can’t knock the hustle!

  23. Heather

    This email totally cracked me up because I can just visualize any number of my sorority sisters writing something like that! Without the slurs towards the menally disabled or gays, of course. The thing is that people don’t understand if they have never been in the Greek system is the crazy level of competion there is between houses. Every house wants to be on top and be the house that girls are dying to get into. For a number of reasons I won’t get into, but I’ll just say there is a huge amount of pressure.
    So basically the whole year is a series of events like Greek Week, philanthropic events, etc. where the sorority shows up and tries their best to look like the house that has the most fun, has the best grades, looks the best, and hangs out with the cutest fraternities. The pressure is on to be the best and some girls take it so, so seriously that eventually they crack and there are screaming fights in the hallways, backstabbing bitchfests, and occasionally the horrible email slapdown. Some sisters just care too much and don’t deal with the pressure well.

  24. Mean Grown-up

    Really? I mean… really?

    Thus is what matters to sorority women?

    I never joined b/c frankly, I was pretty sure the inner workings of Sorority Life were just this shallow, nasty, superfical and moronic.

    First this little girl writes hateful stuff for what purpose? Motivate her sisters? WTG. If college doesn’t work out for her she can always join the Marines and become a drill sargewnt.

    Maybe not. I don’t think even the Marines have such a disgusting magot-mouth.

    Then they all make it worse by broadcasting it all over the net. Wonderful PR for Greek Life — period.

    My son was in Sigma Kia his whole college life. It wasn’t something I would have done — but he wanted to so — ok.

    They were the first frat to be featured on MTVs Fraternity Life back in 2003. Their antics were embarressing but not vicous like you “mean girls.” And I don’t think they ever called anyone an “asshat.” That’s just stupid anyway.
    Go on — say it out loud. See? It sounds pathetically dumb.

    Glad I’m an old hippie who didn’t waste my time hanging with a bunch of nasty little creatures.

    At least me and my hippie friends weren’t God-awful freaks to other girls — especially those we might call “sisters.”

    Nice job. You just reinforced every bad perception me and the rest of the world ever had about sorority girls.

    Seriously! Is this what your parents are going into debt for? Is this why you’re taking out student loans?

    I wanna be around when this chick and her “sisters” leave school and get real lives. None of this baby behavior washes in the workplace or with, you know — GROWN UPS.

    Now, I’m gonna go wash my eyes out with peroxide — so I can decontaminate them after reading this garbage.

    Your mothers must be so proud…

  25. skinnypimp

    I will find her. I will marry her.

  26. Nathan

    I don’t know how this is the first time I’m seeing this letter but I have to say, that original letter is so professionally composed.

  27. Kenneth

    When someone writes an paragraph he/she maintains the plan of a user in his/her mind that how a user can be aware of it. So that’s why this post is perfect. Thanks!

Leave A Comment