Here’s Where The Story Ends

The TV Guide

Today is February 17th. Seven years ago today, I met David Hauslaib and my life was changed forever … because I met the love of my life, the person I knew with all my heart that I would spend the rest of my life with. One year ago today, on the exact spot where we first met at a bike rack in front of the Lloyd Hotel in Amsterdam, Netherlands, David asked me to marry him and I said yes. For the past half decade, February 17th has been a day that I have anxiously looked forward to celebrating. But, as you may be well aware by now, February 17th this year has been a date that I’ve been dreading for many weeks. It’s been a few months now since my relationship with David ended and for the most part, I’m hanging in there … moving forward with my life. But today is a rough day for me. That said, I know I can’t keep focusing on the pain because once I do so, it’s very difficult for me to climb back out of the hole. Still, today is a day I need to mourn and while I cannot know for certain, this post will likely be the last time I’ll publicly address this break-up so that I can look forward toward a happier future … and not back at the life that I have lost.


This photo is one of the first photos that David and I ever took together on that fateful holiday in Amsterdam. We both traveled to Holland individually for fun, neither one of us expected to fall in love. I was such a different person back in 2006. I had never traveled internationally and altho I was far from being a kid, I was still very immature in a lot of ways. Meeting David changed all of that. Tho younger, he was much more traveled and worldly. His influence on me changed the trajectory of my life. Before I met him, I thought I knew what love was. It was only after he came into my life that I really understood what love truly is. It’s been extremely difficult for me to come to grips with losing the most important person in my life. David was my friend, my best friend … the person that I shared everything with. He just filled my whole heart. It kills me that the countless wonderful memories I have from our 6+ years together now stab me in the chest with pain … I’m talking a jagged ice pick right thru the ribs. I’m really looking forward to the day when I no longer endure pangs of agony with the mere flash of memory … but I know I’ll get there someday. For the past few weeks, the most difficult memories to endure are fairly new ones. I can’t help but think back to exactly one year ago today. Even tho I knew David and I were going back to Amsterdam to celebrate our 6 year anniversary, I had no idea what he had been planning for the 6 months prior. When he went down on one knee, with tears in his eyes, right next to our bike rack meeting place the whole world around me disappeared. I remember it was chilly that morning but everything around us just faded to black. He said the most beautiful things to me and I honestly felt like I could’ve just floated away.

It’s really hard to come to grips with losing the person you know you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Especially when you know that you will love that person forever. I can’t help it. I still love him so much. I’ve been able to mute those feelings for a while now, and believe me — it hasn’t been easy, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to deny them today of all days.

For the most part, my life now is pretty much the same as it’s been in recent years, even with some major life changes. I’m living on my own for the first time in my entire life. I know it may sound strange but ever since I left home for college all those years ago, I’ve either lived with a roommate or with a partner. I did live by myself for first 3 years here in LA but I was with David and he would be here in LA with me, I’d be in NYC with him — never going more than 3 weeks apart. I wasn’t really living by myself. I am now tho. I think I’ve blossomed a little bit, as only a single person can do, since I’ve been on my own. I know it’s only been a few months but I’ve been able to flourish in a way that I was unable to before when I was in my relationship with David. I don’t have to take anyone else’s opinions into consideration with how I live my life at home. David was many wonderful things to me but a fan of my pop culture obsessions, he was not. Even tho I’m alone in my home now — something I’ve never wanted — I look around at the changes I’ve made and I actually smile. Altho I can never know what the future may hold, I’m starting to see how my life can be happy and fulfilled again.

I don’t know much about how David is doing these days. Obviously I know what’s going on with him in terms of things he shares publicly and some from mutual friends but unlike me, he’s a pretty private person. We don’t talk, so I just don’t know. I can’t help but worry about him. I was very saddened to learn that his company went out of business last month because I know how hard he worked to make that business a success. But if it’s one thing I know about David, it’s that he is a genius … truly one of the most intelligent and talented people I’ve ever known. It’s silly for me to worry about him because he will be just fine.

I think I will be just fine as well. I mean … yeah, I think. I’m not always the most positive person (I tend to be a Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst type of person) and I deffo worry about a lot of things … a lot … so I catch myself being scared sometimes. I was always so sure that no matter what hardships might come in the future — financial ruin, illness, zombie apocalypse — I would have the person I loved most in the world by my side, in my corner, there for me … and I for him. I don’t have that anymore. I may get that back. I may find that person again but this break-up has drudged up long harbored fears but … it’s silly to worry about the unknown … it’s a sure way to drive oneself insane.

The only thing I know how to do is deal with what’s happening in the present. One day at a time. Today, February 17th, is a rough day for me … but the next February 17th will be better. Altho it saddens me deeply to see where I am this February 17th as opposed to where I was last February 17th … I’m hopeful that the next February 17th will see me in a much better, happier place. Life changes so dramatically from year to year. I was engaged to be married a year ago today. Who knows where I’ll be a year from now. Honestly, I’m in no rush to find out but … the days, months and years are starting to fly by so I’ll get there sooner than I’d like, I’m sure.

Anyways … this post has rambled on for far longer than I anticipated. I’m going to log off now, shut down my computer, take a shower and go outside and enjoy the beautiful sunshine that is pouring in my windows today. I’m going to do my damnest to have a good day … I hope you will, too. It would comfort me greatly if all of YOU wonderful people out there — who have been so loving, so supportive and so amazing thru all of this — have a wonderful day today. If you could do that for me, I would be much obliged.

Shout out to The Sundays for inspiring the title of this blogpost. Here’s Where the Story Ends has always been one of my favorite songs and I fucking love The Sundays so … I’m gonna go listen to that song again and start my day. Happy February 17th, y’all <3

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  1. Happy February 17th, Trent. Sending tons and tons of love from me… and from the boys, who are going to hug the bejeezus out of you the next time they see you.

  2. Diana

    Trent,

    Thank you for that honest and touching post. David lost a good man. You are amazing. One year ago you weren’t a marathon runner. That alone speaks volumes of your strength, both physically and mentally. Emotionally, you will get there again someday, hopefully soon.

    Love,
    Diana

    • Dianna said it so well. Trent, we are all rooting for you and know that you have so very much to offer whatever lucky person you happen to chose to spend your life with. We are all sending so many hugs to you!

  3. Love you, Trent..I think that’s all that needs to be said.. :)

  4. EK

    Trent, I’ve been a long-time reader here at PITNB, so to hear that you and David are no longer together saddens me completely. I, as I’m sure most other PITNB readers will agree, felt as if I’ve kind of been a little fly on the wall in your relationship with David through your wonderful and joyous posts about amazing adventures, trips here and there, and regular lazy weekends. I’ve always enjoyed knowing that you and David had a loving and caring relationship that are so hard to come by these days. In some odd way, it was comforting for me. It gave me hope to have such a relationship one day. With life’s changes, positive or negative, I believe everything happens for a reason, and, no matter how difficult it may be to believe at this moment, I believe you will love again! I wish the very best to you, as well as the very best to David. Happy Sunday, Trent. Enjoy your sunny, warm day :)

  5. Bill

    Hi Trent – I have been following since back in the “Erik” days…and know you have been thru the ringer here. I have been sad for you for a few months. Please trust me, as someone who has lost 2 siblings recently in their 30′s and 40′s, that it will and does get better. You will never, never forget David, but mourn the loss, you must. One piece of advice: try not to get caught in the vortex of “if only” or “why”. This side of Heaven, there are no answers and those questions only lead deeper into regret, pain and loss. I am here for you, as I always have been, as a fan, cyber-friend, cheerleader and with prayers. Celebrate today – a day God has made and kept you in this earth to enjoy,as tough as it is. Always rooting for you.

  6. Becky

    Trent…sending you happy thoughts today! I enjoy reading about all your adventures, but I am sad that you are going through this. You are one amazing guy!

  7. claire

    Happy 2-17 Trent. We love you. You are truly an amazing person & you deserve the world. Have a beautiful day.

  8. trent! i gave up all gossip blogs but yours….because i always loved how we got to be a part of your life while we learned all the goings on of the famous people. i look forward more to the posts about you and your friends than the celebs, truth be told.

    like all your fans i was so excited when you became engaged and so saddened when you guys broke up. but, ive always thought that you were so intelligent and warm and thoughtful and funny and generous and fair. i really respect you and i care about you and i am hoping for all the happiness that your heart can hold.

    you have a community of people here who adore you- cause you built that! thanks for being awesome. thanks for sharing yourself…good times and bad ones. ill be holding you in my heart today and sending you much love.

    xx

  9. muchacha

    Trent, I think you are doing the best thing for yourself today, which is to live today in the moment. Of course you are in mourning, and thinking about what the next February 17 will hold, but if you try your best to hold yourself in the present, then the time and space needed to heal will come. Unsure if that makes sense… wishing you all the best. *hugs*

  10. sarahliciousisdelicious

    Trent,
    Thank you for that beautiful post. (Even though it brought back feelings from my own failed relationship) Still, I’d prefer to have felt those things than to never have. Keep workin’ it, your amazing!

  11. Trent, my heart goes out to you today. I cannot imagine what you have gone through these past few months and today won’t be easy. That said, you are one of the most inspiring people I know. Your strength, courage and dedication (especially to running) has been amazing to watch grow over the last number of years reading your blog. I thank you for your openness and willingness to share yourself on PITNB, both the good and the bad. You have such an amazing network of friends & family & readers from around the world who care about you. Enjoy the sunshine today and take the time you need to mourn, because that is important too. Sending you so much love today. Hugs, hugs, hugs.

  12. Go for a run.
    We’re here for you as always darling. Feel it, and then learn to laugh again. I love you and can’t wait to see you in March.

    Love,
    VLB

  13. Silly

    Thank you for sharing this part of you. I have these sorts of days in my life too… as Robert Frost once said “The best way out is through.”

    Sending you some good light …

  14. TK

    Trent,
    Thank you for sharing this. Relationships are what makes life rich- even the ones that end enrich our lives in some way. You are such an amazing person and I hope you know that even more now. Sending you so much love!

  15. Kate

    Trent – anniversaries with loss are hard. Studies have shown our bodies know internally they are coming, even if we consciously forget. I’m glad you’re taking good care of yourself today. You are such a special person and very loved!! xoxo

  16. Karen

    Trent, I hope you are enjoying the sunshine today as you mourn. Your life is going to continue to be filled with love and joy. I know this because in all of your writings over the many years I’ve been reading your blog (since way pre-David), it has been clear that you bring joy and love into people’s lives. And you get that back.

    The loss of love is horrible and it takes time to heal from that. Eventually, the memories will make you smile and you’ll be able to appreciate without pain the way your time with David helped form you. But, yeah, there will be struggle between now and then.

    You will be fine, and you already are fine. You are so smart in how you are dealing with all of it. You are being honest and allowing your true feelings, you are allowing other people to help keep you afloat, you are making the effort to go out and engage with the world, and you are enjoying everything there is to enjoy — including the pleasures of a home that truly reflects you and your tastes.

    I’m a “hope for the best, prepare for the worst” kind of person, too, so I know how that goes. Maybe preparing for the worst can include things like building friendships, having great experiences, surrounding ourselves with things we love. So when the worst happens, we have all those reminders that the worst doesn’t *always* happen.

    Thanks for being you and for sharing yourself with all of us. :)

  17. Seing you huge hugs. Time heals. Tacky cliche? Yes. But so true. xo

  18. Serena

    Trent I’ve been reading your blog for years now. I love how you write and I love how open you are sharing your life with us readers. I cried when i first heard about your breakup, it truly broke my heart. After reading this entry i can still feel your pain and it again is making me cry. But what i noticed the most is how much class and grace you have. You are one classy guy and i hope you know how very much you are loved. Take today to pamper yourself, chill in your jammy jams, lay on the couch, order take out, do what ever you need to do today, there is no right or wrong way to take care of yourself today. However, tomorrow is a new day. You can hibernate today and lick your wounds but tomorrow hold your head up high and get back to the wonderful life you have created for yourself. Most importantly spend time with people who love you and make you feel good and SMILE. You are amazing! xoxo

  19. Trent: Thank you for this beautiful post. I echo the wise and loving words already written here. You are an incredible person with incredible friends and support. It sucks big time, but you have to slog through the pain to reach the other side, but reach it you will. You are the kind of person who truly loves to the bone and I admire and relate with you because of that. I’ve been where you are, and trust me, I know there is nothing easy about navigating your way back to wholeness. But I have every faith you will make it, and when you do, the world will behold and gasp in awe of Super Trent. Coming to grips with a loss of this magnitude is something all superheroes share, in fact, it is the catalyst for their transformation. Just wait and believe, one day will come and you will realize you can fly. I love you and in true fan fashion, today I WILL go out into sunshine in honor of you.

  20. Sending a hug. xxx

  21. Josh

    I think you are still a bit blinded by love.
    David is probably far from being “one of the most intelligent and talented people” …. from what you shared with us he is constantly failing in business (which is ok but shows a lack of talent or/and intelligence) and most of all he refused to love the person who could have loved him forever.
    You’ll be fine.

  22. bleedingEars

    Trent, I suffered something similar in the last year and if you had asked me 10 ten months ago if I thought I was going to live through it… hell no. I was pretty sure something in me died and everyone around me could smell it. But what I’ve come to learn and appreciate is the strength I found in myself, that I didn’t know existed.

    You sir, are brave and wonderful and exceptionally strong. Recognize it. Revel in it.
    Lots of love to you today.

  23. Sending you lots of love and hugs today Trent. Here’s Where the Story Ends is one of my all time favorite songs and got me through a tough time once too. Music is the ultimate comfort during a break up I think.

    I know it’s probably impossible to imagine feeling better right now but I promise you that it will happen. Just give yourself time to heal. You are a wonderful person and deserve all the happiness in the world.

    Take care.

    xoxo
    –Monica

  24. Courtney

    You are so brave for sharing this post with the World and for that I am thankful. I may not be going through the same things as you, but your words have helped me in so many ways, thank you! x

  25. Andrea

    I’ve been reading your blog since the days of Eric. This post made me cry but I know you’ll do great things and the future is bright!

  26. Trent, I cried reading this. I just went through a bad break up myself.
    It’ll get better. I can’t wait to see more good things come to you! You’re an amazing person and so bave for sharing this with everyone.
    Sending lots of love your way,
    Sandy

  27. Leo

    I don’t know why you would say David is smart. He wasn’t smart enough to know he let go the special person who would love him more the anyone ever will. He’s the one I feel sorry for. OK-had to say it. Much love to you and your incredibly happy future, and special hugs to get you there.

  28. Russ

    I love you buddy.

    xo

  29. Amanda

    Trent – you’re an angel. Fact. xoxo

  30. Wishing you well Trent. Long time fan and reader. Hang in there!

  31. You just made me cry…I’m still going through the emotions of my breakup in October, and it’s hard. I’m rooting for you and for those who are trying to make their own way.

  32. Zanne

    Trent, I’ve been reading your blog for over 6 yrs now and my heart has been breaking for you as you’ve been going through this. As hard as this is, I know you’ll come through it a better stronger person. I hope you can take some small comfort in knowing how many of us readers are out here rooting for you. (;

  33. Jane

    Trent,

    I’ve been following your blog since well before you met David, and have followed your love story closely. I was so sorry to hear of your break up, and so sad to read this post today.

    You are such a lovely person, and are clearly loved by many, many people. I’m wishing you comfort and peace in what is naturally bound to be a very difficult time.

    Keep being you! I feel so blessed to ‘know’ you through this blog.

  34. blueseashellgirl

    Just know that there is always more love out there, I too am going through a divorce after 17 years of marriage, but I know that I will love again, because I’ve loved before. Good luck to you and stay positive, because you are a wonderful person!

  35. KJ

    Be sad. Be happy. Don’t stop thinking about some of the greatest memories that you’ve ever experienced. You can’t regret thinking about something that made you happy. Remember, though, that you will love again – but you don’t have to feel bad thinking about a time in your life that you cherish. One day you’ll look back at those years without the pang of hurt, and it will just have been an excellent period of your life along with all of the excellent memories that you have yet to make.

  36. Whitney75

    Trent,

    You are loved :)

    Whitney75

  37. Veronica

    Trent, thank you for sharing this post with all of us today. You are so incredibly brave for sharing yours and David’s story and I can see that so many of your readers have felt the same way at some point in their lives. I know you will find the right person and get through this difficult part. You seem like you are surrounded by such great friends and family and they will definitely help you get through it. I have felt like such a part of your life through reading your blog and I hope you continue to let us peek into your life, because it is such an exciting (and human) one. The pain will lessen each day and you will come out of this victorious. Stay positive :)

  38. Mindy

    As hard as it may seem at this point, think positively, and remember the best for you is yet to come even if it is not how you had planned. Keep up the hard work you have been doing these last months and focusing on you. We all support you. *hugs*

  39. gwen

    i feel angry. if he wasnt friggin sure than why did he ask you to marry him? sorry. you apparently havent reached the anger stage yet. dont skip it. its healthy. much love, gwen.

  40. Sending you lots of love–today and always!

  41. LiQue

    Trent:

    Sending you love .

    LiQue

  42. I’m not really the friend who others come to when they need to talk about the rough patches in their lives. I am, however, the friend that people can count on to feed them. This is an elaborate way of saying I wish I could drop off some cupcakes on your doorstep…or maybe actually hand them to you, because how is random food from strangers not freaky?

    You *will* get through this, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, even if that someday seems so far off. You’ve taken the biggest step, which is resolving that you’ll get through, and so you will.

    We’re all cheering for you!

  43. Lela

    My boyfriend and I of 4 years broke up about a month ago. today is my birthday, and the first one I’ll be spending by myself. Reading this post has showed me that it will get better. It is still so fresh that the tiniest memory will grip me in terrifying fear of the unknown. I hope that this time next year we are both doing better. And I hope for the best for you. Thank you for the inspiration.

  44. pufinstuf

    Trent,
    I’m glad to know what happened. Not because I wanted to pry into your life, but because I have been concerned about you. It seems strange to feel that way about someone I have never met, don’t really know a lot about and probably never will. But I do. Your pain has been palpable, even though I think you have been making an effort to keep it off this blog. I’m glad you are digging your way out emotionally. I have to say that one thing i appreciate most about this site is your constant striving to treat the people talked about on the site (and who post and comment on the site) with respect and in a positive manner. Even though you don’t know them. Even though you don’t always agree with or like what they are doing. If nothing else, this positivity and respect for other human beings has to be a unique and attractive quality of yours and I am sure it will help you find someone who deserves you. Best of luck.

  45. jas

    I am a longtime reader and just want to say that I am thinking of you and hope you know that it will get better. You are an incredible person and everyone who knows you knows that. Good luck

  46. Kate

    Beautifully, honestly written. Thanks Trent. I wish you nothing but happiness from this day forward!

  47. I think it is s admirable that you are saying to yourself that you are going to go out and enjoy the weather and try to have a good day. It would be so easy to wallow in your pain, stay indoors, hiding from the world (and no one would blame you!), but I think it says a lot about your strength and character that you are going to try to have a good day. I hope you did.

  48. Sending love your way! I hope your yesterday was peaceful, maybe mournful, and that you woke up today with a fresh start and a smile on your face. Breakups are never easy, and you still may have your doubts, but you WILL come out of this stronger and a better person. (Always easier said than done, and always easier coming from an outsider! But having just gone through a breakup, and passing our anniversary with lots of booze, you will see soon that it really will be okay.)

  49. Lots of love and hugs to you, Trent!

  50. Chris R

    Trent I am sorry to hear your sad. But I swear life goes on and with each new day it will get better. I just lost my mother who was 81 years old last week. It was hard but now it has gotten abit better for as it will for you…Take care

  51. emily

    Trent – Happy Feb 18th!!!! New day, new rules. 365 days to forget about yesterday and move on with your fabulous life filled with friends, food, running, art and amazing pieces of furniture.

  52. missboston

    If I’ve learned one thing from PITNB (since 2005!), it’s that all of us have days where we’re crying outside Chili’s with rotting Uggs, and other days, we’re going to be having a sexy affair with someone who makes everyone go, “How is this even happening?” And you know what? It’s a pretty incredible story as long as all of us, famous or not, feels up to giving it our best shot. All the best to you, Trent. We’re waiting in the bushes to sell photos of you laughing again. Those are worth the most money, right?

  53. Lynn

    Hi Trent,
    Like a lot of readers here I’ve been coming to your blog since the beginning. Not only reading about celebrity stuff but your life as well has made it the most interesting and enjoyable blogs out there. I know what you are going through is hard but in time you will feel complete again. I just wanted to say thanks for putting out this amazing blog and keep up the awesome work.

  54. Dear Trent,
    Like so many people have already said, it is kind and generous and beautiful for you to share your life with us. Even though we have not met, you have felt like a good friend for years. My husband thinks it’s weird for me to write to you about your breakup, but it feels totally necessary. You are a bright, shining, positive person and even if it doesn’t feel like it quite yet, there will be more amazing, gorgeous, floating days for you in the future. The best is yet to come! XXOO

  55. Erik

    Oh, man — this is deep territory, very well traversed. Good luck, good health & all positives your way ~~! It’s been quite an adventure, life so far . . .

  56. Dear Trent,

    I’ve been an avid follower of your blog for as long as I can remember now. As always, I appreciate your honest approach to sharing news about both celebrities and your personal life. While I was saddened to read about you and David, I am hopeful for your future and what life has in store for you. Chin up, homie — your loyal followers are here for you to lean on whenever you need us “virtually.” :o)

  57. nadia

    lots of hugs, chocolates, and pizzas for you!
    God bless :)

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