You know what sucks about my job sometimes? Nothing, lol. I love my job! And I love that even though I have to recap Scandal right now, Â y’all will totally get it if I just write the word “Scandal” and then draw a crapload of hearts everywhere. Like this: Scandal = <3 <3 <3 <3. Mmmmhhhhhh Scandal. That’s all I wanna say sometimes! And then other times I wanna tweet a marriage proposal to Shonda Rhimes, because I lit’rally feel like she knows me better than anyone on this planet; knows my deepest desires, knows how to please me, how to tease me. Wait, what? Oh, yeah. Awkward! I love Scandal. Click inside so we can recap one of the best episodes ever in the history of everdom!
The first of many lessons I learned in this episode is that Technology Is The Debbil (Waterboy voice)! We finally learned why Quinn‘s boyfriend got blown to smithereens and it allllll had to do with technology! Well, and politics, and greed, and all that other stuff, but when he showed up in Defiance, Ohio where that old dude was explaining to the voters that voting ballots were DUNZO and that memory chips were the wave of the future, I was like OMG.Â Technology Is The Debbil!Â LMAO.
But meeting Quinn‘s ex- (and deceased) boyfriend was just one of, like, 8 cool mysteries that was solved in this episode. And Â that’s what makes Shonda Rhimes
the love of my life an amazing writer. She knows that eventually she’s gonna have to start giving the viewers some real answers and the way we got those answers in this episode (I especially loved that epic Gladiator confessional meeting) was perfecto.
This episode was The Episode Of Hollis, and I’ve soooo been waiting for TheÂ Episode Of Hollis! He’s been scaring the living ish out of me every Thursday, and I was so psyched to see him at the center of this one. First, David Rosen goes after him, having gotten sufficient evidence (he thinks) to connect Hollis to the election rigging, and the attempted assassination of the President.
Quote It: I expect you know how we turn bulls into steers. Don’t make me haul out the clippers. (Hollis to David).
But there was so much other drama! After David faced off with Hollis, then Mellie and Cyrus had their face-off when Mellie came running into his office after Fitz tried to DUNZO her.
Quote It: Good morning Mellie. Pregnancy gives you such a glow of warmth…. He’s not my guy he’s our guy! I get the weekdays and every third Saturday. (Cyrus)
Then Hollis and Olivia were going at it, then Cyrus and Olivia, it was just madness. Madness! So let’s get to it!
Season 2, Episode 12: Truth Or Consequences
1. Hollis +Â Quinn’s Boyfriend, Bitch!
I know it’s been said before, but it bears repeating: Hollis is still terrifying as f—. He’s like Huck in that he has no problem killing someone, but he’s NOTHING like Huck in that he has no problem killing hella innocent people for no real reason other than that it’ll save him a few bucks, or some sort of minor inconvenience. He’s the worst! But, honestly? Quinn‘s boyfriend was pretty shady too. First of all, he was the one behind the Cytron madness, and even though he wasn’t actually cheating on Quinn (as far as we could tell), I didn’t appreciate all that office flirtation that was popping off. Don’t make me cut you, Quinn’s boyfriend who’s already dead! Then he went and got greedy after he found out how much Hollis was set to make off of all his technology/vote-rigging software, and that’s how Quinn‘s boyfriend died (Mean Girls voice). It was a damn shame.
2. If She Liked You, Then She Woulda Put Her Ring On
Yo. Remember those episodes of Sex And The City when Carrie started wearing her engagement ring from Aiden around her damn neck?! That’s how you know don’t nobody wanna marry you! When a woman is NOT flashing the eff out of her engagement ring, placed super-conspicuously on her ring finger, then she ain’t trying to get wifed! (Sorry, Aiden… and Senator Davis.) LMAO! When I saw Olivia twirling that ring around in her fingers, I was like Oh Hell Nawl. She clearly has NO intention whatsoever of marrying the Senator, as quaint as that would be (making jam, and all, lol).
And apparently, President Fitz has no intention of staying married to Mellie! Even though Cyrus and Mellie are doing everything to keep him from making such an insane decision, he spent most of the episode sticking to his guns and letting Cyrus know what it was. And I loooved those moments– when Fitz talked about how it was his job to come up with the big ideas (i.e. leaving his pregnant wife), and it was Cyrus‘s job to help execute them. We rarely hear Fitz stand up to Cyrus, and that was really quite awesome. Interestingly enough, it may not matter. We all saw Olivia hang up on Fitz without saying whether or not she’d stay with him. Weird because he was, presumably, saying what every “mistress” wants to hear: ‘I’m leaving my wife so we can be together.’ But I guess it’s not as romantic a thought as it sounds.
Quote It: Wife of the Senator, not too shabby. (Harrison)
Please, husband of Olivia Pope! (Abby, FTW!)
We’re not French. Marry your mistress? Now Olivia is a lovely, smart woman. I can’t get enough of her. But she is not exactly a hue that most of your Republican constituents would be happy about. (Cyrus)
3.Â Olivia Pope Becomes The Client AKAÂ Olivia Takes Off Her White HatÂ AKAÂ Quinn Has The Worst/Best Idea Ever
Okay, here’s why this is one of my favorite episodes of Scandal ever. First of all, we got to see Olivia broke doooowwwwn. Finally, finally, she admits that she has done some ish over the years. She names David Rosen as The Good Guy, and appropriately labels herself The Bad Guy. And even though it was a little cheesy, I actually liked that short sequence where Olivia was flashing back to all the bad things she’s done– and ummm, there were a lot of bad things. LMAO. And then she just crawls into her bed and looks like this:
Yo. We neeeeevvvvverrrr saw Kerry/Olivia lookin’ that wrecked!
When Senator Davis went to the Gladiators for help he did the right thing. However, I got really scared when Quinn was like We all have secrets, let’s put them all together. LMAO! I’ve had conversations like that and trust. It doesn’t always go as planned. But this was my favorite scene of the episode and one of the most memorable scenes in all of Scandal. We’ve always (I think) wanted Â everyone to get in a room and just let it all out and that’s exactly what happened. Quinn orchestrated a conversation where all the GladiatorsÂ spilled the beans (though, not all the beans were spilled), and were therefore able to figure out why Olivia was covering for Hollis. And every time Huck coughed (when someone said something that was incorrect), I was rolllllin’! But the best part was when they put it all together, and realized that Olivia and Hollis (and Judge Verna) were all involved in the election-rigging scandal, and had used it to put Fitz in office. The look on friggen Harrison‘s face!
In this moment, MLK Jr.‘s dream– all dreams for equality– are dead. #Dead!
Quote It: We Gladiate. (Quinn)
4. Olivia Puts Her White Hat Back On/Cyrus is Plato, And Olivia isÂ Nietzsche
At a certain point I was like,Â Please, Olivia. Just let Huck kill Hollis and we can all go home! After the Gladiators figured out the deal, my other favorite scene happened; Huck climbed into bed (totally as a friend) with Olivia and offered to do… what he loves to do, lol!
Quote It: Hollis Doyle has to go. I can take care of that for you, if you want. (Huck)
You have to stop killing people. (Olivia)
But once he convinced her that Hollis was gonna be DUNZO anyway (via Cyrus), she decided to put her white hat back on and go after Hollis the “right” way. Â When she went to go see Verna in the hospital to give her the heads up, Verna was lit’rally wearing her guilt and her sins in the form of cancer all over her body. It was insane. Then when Cyrus found out Olivia was coming clean, my other favorite scene of the episode happened. (Did I say I loved this episode? Okay, yeah. ‘Cause I loved this episode.) Cyrus went OFF on Olivia and I loved it! He compared American politics to holiday magic and I was like Helllls Yeah!
Quote It: Justice is for regular people! Our electoral process is magical.
Cyrus and Olivia are both so ridiculously brilliant, I felt like their conversation was a meeting between Plato and Nietzsche.Â When Cyrus was going off about Santa, and Christmas, and Easter Bunnies, it was like he was saying These are the illusions the people need to hold onto. They gotta believe in something. And Olivia was on her Nietzsche ish, like F— that. We need to keep it real, lol! Anyway, that comparison totally falls apart at some point, so don’t tell my old philosophy professor I said this.
Best Quote Ever In The History Of Scandal: GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER, CYRUS. (PREACH, OLIVIA! Nobody talk to me, I’m having Church right now… lmao!)
5. Mellie Always Has One More Card To Play/Sometimes, You Gotta Induce Labor To Get What You Want
This ish was cray. Can I just make this moment about me for a sec, and say that my doctor suggested I induce labor with my second child (’cause he was a biggun, and I was past my due date, and whatever else), and I was sooo freaked out?! I had this whole sexy, natural birth plan popping off in my head… but yeah, it totally didn’t go down. I got induced, and that ish was cray. Now, we don’t know for sure what happened, but I believe Mellie induced labor to get Fitz by her side again.
This was sort of foreshadowed when Mellie had that doctor’s appointment early in the episode, and she was reminiscing about how Fitz was so present during the birth of their other two children (who we never, ever, ever see… lol). Once Cyrus told her that Fitz was still hell-bent on the divorce she went off:
Quote It: I made him! He exists because I say he exists!
When Mellie was screaming about Olivia and Fitz, all I could hear was BeyoncÃ©‘s, Ring The Alarm. Never felt the need to place an unrelated video in one of these recaps until now, but here we go. And BeyoncÃ© has clearly taken over the world now that she’s weasled her way into my Scandal recap, lol):
And I loved when Cyrus asked Mellie if she had any last cards to play. She’s prego! And it’s Mellie! Pregnant people always have one last card to play, lmao! So I knew Mellie was gonna do some ill ish. And it looks like it might have worked.
So yeah, my fave episode in a while. And even though we got lots and lots of answers, we still don’t know why Hollis wanted Fitz in office so badly in the first place (only to, then, orchestrate the attempted assassination), and we also don’t know who was paying Becky, if it wasn’t Hollis. Cannot wait– like, seriously, in an un-healthy way– cannot wait for the next episode.
Oh, and Bonus YesPlease, MoreThankYou Moment: When Huck gave Becky his name and got her CIA/federal prison panties all in a bunch.
And major, major shouts-out to PITNBR Samantha! Somehow, I’d totally forgotten that Hulu existed and she pointed me in their direction last week when I was lamenting about the ABC website no longer showing Revenge and Scandal episodes (and therefore depriving me of screen shots). So yeah, all these screen shots are dedicated to you, girl ;)