Here Are The Top 5 ‘Oh Hell Nawl’ Moments From ‘Revelations,’ Last Night’s Episode Of ‘Revenge’

Season 2, Episode 9

So, Revelations aired last night and it’s the final episode of Revenge until next year! Waaahhh! But  it was such a great episode to end the amazing 2012 run that Revenge has had. Rather than go for hella, hella, jaw-dropping drama (although there was def plenty of that), I like that things got really emotional for many of our favorite characters. Click inside for our very last recap of the year! *Tear*

First of all, as a former Church girl and a Lit major who spent a lot of time with the Bible in college, I just love the biblical over and undertones in Revenge. Revelations as the final episode made so much sense and I love that little voice-over ‘Emily‘ gave at the beginning, pointing to how experiences in revelations can be both freeing and damning (this definitely draws in themes from Revelations, the final book of the Bible):

For the righteous the revelation is a joyous event; the realization of a divine truth. But for the wicked revelations can be far more terrifying when dark secrets are exposed and sinners are punished for their trespasses.

Last week’s flashback episode was the perfect lead-in to this one, and yesterday afternoon we got to read a really cool interview that Gabriel Mann (AKA Nolan) did with TVLine, which was such a fun little prep for Revelations. Nolan‘s storyline is taking off nicely, what with the return of Marco, and I can’t wait to see where it goes. Last week ‘Emily‘ and Aiden finally, finally, FINALLY did the damn thang and I celebrated with more screen shots than anyone would ever need… but no. Yeah. We needed those screen shots, lmao! Seeing them all publicly coupled up in this episode was crazy cute, but poor Daniel!

He’s really feelin’ some type-a-way about dumping ‘Emily‘ over that one little make out session with Jack, lol! ‘Cause his new boo gave new meaning to the nickname Smashley in this episode; my girl was smashin’ everybody and their father! Lit’rally! Aghhh!!!

Daniel also showed out in this episode; as much as I want him to be different from his parents, sometimes I just love it when he gets all Grayson on folk. I mean… it can be pretty sexy. Unfortunately, just like his parents, he’s now drawing the attention of The Initiative, and nothing good can come of that.

Some Revengers could take or leave the bar story, but I’m getting into it, especially now that Jack knows everything about his shady ass business partners. I am seriously hoping that Nolan and ‘Emily‘ will somehow get involved and just RUIN those two brothers… OMG! I want them to go away sooo badly, lol!

This episode had me, as usual, longing for more. But we’ve got a few weeks before Revenge returns and I’m sure we’ll find some way to occupy our time (like, you know, reading or something). For now, let’s bid the 2012 episodes farewell with our traditional Monday evening countdown!

Top 5 ‘Oh Hell Nawl’ Moments From ABC’s Revenge, Season 2, Episode 9: Revelations

1. Poor Nolan Gets Ished On By Danny Boy/Oh Ish, Marco’s In The Building!

So the episode opened up with that shooting, um, party thing (I’m not rich so I don’t know what they call that) and Nolan showed up to meet with ‘Emily‘ so they could discuss their game plan for the Grayson takeover. We all knew from the beginning that Nolan having to give up a portion of his company to Grayson Global was bad news, but when Daniel brought Marco into the mix it was all over! Marco basically snitched about that $500 million gabillion that disappeared/went to ‘Emily‘ and Daniel used that info to demand 51% of NolCorp. Tragic! But then Marco had the nerve to ask for his old job back! I loved how Nolan was all like… The position’s already been filled. OUCH! He def meant that in more ways than one, lol. And I can’t wait to see how awkward things get betwixt Nolan, Padma, and Marco. I mean, that scene where Marco burst in on Padma and Nolan‘s meeting was hella weird… mainly for Padma, lol.

Quote It: Sacrificial lamb reporting for the slaughter (Nolan).

Wait, did y’all see Nolan ask Aiden for a kiss, lmao?!

2. ‘Emily’ Experiences Some Serious Hateration At Baby Carl’s Christening

Did you see the LOOK on ‘Emily‘s face as she watched Fauxmanda‘s happy family in the Church? OMG, she is so jealous of their Revenge-less lifestyle! This was an awkward but telling moment. I mean, she clearly wants to make a baby with Aiden now… or Jack… or Daniel. Hell, I don’t who this girl’s in love with! Even when she was sorta, kinda confessing to Aiden about her almost-relationship with Jack, you could tell that there were still feelings there. I like that we’re starting to see her grow weary of this world she’s created. Although, Fauxmanda‘s not really the neighbor to covet– she’s still lying to Jack about who she is, so ish ain’t all good over there.

3. Oh Man, Ashley Really Is A Whore

Remember how in the flashback episode Ashley Smashley was almost a whore for the Russians, but ‘Emily‘ saved her? Okay. Yeah, no. Or as Three Six Mafia would say Don’t save her/She don’t wanna be saved! First of all, I was really hoping that it wasn’t really Conrad in that video. But it waaassss!!! Ashley let Conrad hit it?!?! Nooooo! And then, to right her wrongs against Victoria, she went and let the other ol’ dude hit it! OMG! Whyyyyyy?!?! But truth be told, Victoria talks a mean game and Ashley looked so shook, what was she really gonna do?

I also loved this storyline because we got to see how Victoria and Conrad always stick together. Notice that Vicki waited until the whole ordeal was completely over before she slapped the ish out of him for geting it on and poppin’ with Smashley. LMAO.

And this is what I meant about Danny boy getting Grayson on everyone. He just found out that he got cheated on but he still thought to whip out that cell phone to get his blackmail on! Love it!

Quote It: Sex with your son’s girlfriend? Really Conrad?

4. Revenge Finally Has A Black Character Who Is Not A Grayson Employee, But Oh Wait He Just Almost Died

LMAO. Now Revenge is one of my favorite shows, for sure. But I’ve definitely noticed that the only people of color in the Hamptons are the the butlers and maids… which… yeah, okay. I guess that’s probably accurate. But damn, they could have at least let Diddy get a guest appearance in or something, lol. Which is why I was so excited to meet Matt Duncan in the last episode. I was all like, OMG! Is that a black guy who isn’t, like, serving champagne at the Grayson manor? That was awesome (although… in all fairness Ashley Madekwe is part-Nigerian; y’all may have noticed that Conrad referred to her as ‘exotic’ in this episode). Still! I loved this guy! And I loved that he came on the scene and started steering our beloved Jack in the right direction. It sucked that he got his ass handed to him like that, but I hope Jack (maybe with Nolan‘s help) really goes in on Nate & Kenny. I FRIGGEN cannot stand those guys! You’re only allowed to avenge your father’s death if your father wasn’t a total douchebag! WTF!

P.S. I love Jack. But was he seriously cleaning his bar glasses in the bloody shirt?! Damn Jack! Learn to get rid of your bloody clothes (shouts-out to the hoodie in Season One)!

5. Did Victoria Just Have A… Good Mom Moment?

Okay, so did y’all peep the moment when Victoria was trying to get Daniel to back out of his attempts to run Grayson Global and he was all flipping out about Ashley Smashley and Salvador Grobet getting it in? And he asked her to tell him, specifically, why he was in danger… and she didn’t tell him about The Initiative? I totally read that as a good Mommy moment, and I was completely shocked! The woman from The Initiative told her that if she told Daniel anything, she would remove Daniel from the equation… permanently. If I understood this scene correctly, it looked like Victoria held back from saying too much, so as to keep Daniel safe. Nice work, Vicki! A lot of you have noticed that it’s impossible to find her completely loathsome, because she’s a well-written character who has her good moments. Also, when she called ‘Emily‘ at the end of the episode, I felt like she was planning to get ‘Emily‘ back involved with the family (maybe even with Daniel) to keep him out of harm’s way.

Okay, so we have a few weeks before another recap goes down but we have so much to PANIC about in the meantime:

WTF is this note that The Initiative left for Daniel?!?!?!

Why The F— did Daniel NOT delete those pictures of ‘Emily’ and did we seriously see the two of them making out in the preview for the 2013 episode and why did that make me kinda CraZy happy even though I lurve me some Aiden?!?!?!

No, seriously, what is The Initiative up to?!

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  1. :O oh damn i forgot to watch this last night. fml. i’ll be back in a few hours with my report.

  2. I was mad when I saw the preview with Daniel and Emily. Daniel has totally turned into a true Grayson what with “firing” Aiden. Emily better be using him for more Revenge, I also think it is going to tie in with why Victoria was calling her at the end. But how creepy is it that they watch each other on the phone calls and even admit it by commenting on someone being with you.

    Poor Padma, working the with the bf/bosses ex. I don’t think anything will work out well for her.

    I hope this is the end of Ashley. She needs to dissapear for a while and do her own thing.

    • Hannah, I KNOW Daniel has been a douchebag. But I just keep thinking that he would have been less of one, if he and ‘Emily’ had stayed together. Being around Ashley and that whole Grayson circle has really been bad for him. But you’re right– ultimately, he’s one of them :(

  3. Ashley and Conrad’s sex tape: totally hot. I’d watch more and I don’t even like snatch.
    I like Emily and Aiden as the new Hampton’s power couple.
    LMFAO at your surprise at a non-service black person on Revenge. Oh also there was that juvie warden from last season and that sleazy governor.
    Marco…I don’t know how I feel about you and your perm yet.
    Can I get Nolan for Hanukkah with a big red bow…that i can tie him up with?

    • Mark, ‘I’d watch more and I don’t even like snatch.’ LOLOLOLOL!!! OMG. I hadn’t thought of it as a sex tape, but you’re totally right.

      The sleazy governor– OMG, thank you! He was horrible… and, yes, black. Good times, good times :)

      If Marco is (as I mentioned in the last recap) somehow akin to my 3rd grade boyfriend Carlos Pina then he’s totally Cape Verdean and that is NOT a perm, LMFAO!!! You are so wrong!

    • hahahaha, Marco! That’s unadulterated Latino hair right there. I love it!

  4. Teresa

    So it seems like Emily and Ashley have been together for quite some time; however, people have also noted that Aiden and Ashley seem comfortable together. Aiden asked Emily about if she could trust Ashley an episode or so ago and acted like he didnt know her. I wonder if Aiden saw Ashley at the club and later found her to “meet up” with Emily and Emily remembered her from the club so she wanted to help her. I bet Emily doesn’t know Aiden and Ashley know each other and they are working together.

    • Teresa, great questions about the Aiden/Ashley/’Emily’ conundrum. I was hoping we’d learn more about this trio, especially after that flashback episode.

    • Hm, Sometimes I get the sense that Aiden knows more about Ashley than he lets on (I don’t get the same feeling from Ashley, though), but sometimes I think that the way he comes off is just part of his persona, part of the way he carries himself. But Ashley certainly is in need of a substantial back story. So far her character is just a terrible filler.

  5. DJ

    Due to an incredibly hectic schedule the last few months, I have been unable to watch this season until this past weekend where I watched every episode leading up to this year’s “winter finale.” I think the writers of the show need to look up the word “finale” and then actually write a show that HAS ONE!

    Last year, Revenge was the best new show on TV. This year, HUGE disappointment. It’s so off the rails that it’s now stalled in a ditch waiting for rescue service.

    Aidan is a GREAT addition, but jeez, do something with him instead of making him Emily’s puppet. All they seem to have done was add hot sexy guy with accent.

    Daniel and Ashley? Who were they kidding? Sad!

    Amanda’s mom… waste of a good actress on a mediocre and pointless character. Why bring her back at all???

    Sam’s whole bar story is completely irrelevant to anything else going on – just stay with Fauxmanda and your baby (another story with promise that has fallen flat). And has Declan had more than 6 lines this season? That whole bogus theft story to get those brothers into the bar?? Come on! So pointless and means nothing to the show.

    And the Initiative?? Could it get any more sillier than “the Initiative???” This isn’t Alias, people. They’ve so gotten off track with what made the show so great. But then again, with the concept that they have, they can’t be on the air for say five years without people finding out who Emily Clark really is. That needs to happen in the spring sometime cuz it’s getting old.

    I’ll continue to watch cuz there are always some fun moments here and there, and I still have faith that they can turn it around. Many shows that have had an awesome first season have come back for absolutely disappointing 2nd seasons (Lost, Desperate Housewives, Homeland) but were able to turn them around and get them going again. I’m hoping Revenge will be one of those shows (and Homeland!).

    Revelations? Try Regurgitations!

    • DJ, now THIS is an interesting perspective. I’m so glad you got to watch the season in one sitting– that makes for a totally different perspective.

      I think you make a GREAT point about Fauxmanda. She was scary and volatile in the first season… not so much anymore. Granted, she became a Mom, but they still could have done more with her. I admit, I miss her!

      And we were all annoyed by the bar story at first. Now that it’s getting it’s own revenge-y twist I don’t mind it. But I agree that it doesn’t tie in to the rest of the plot, and that makes it wack on a certain level.

      Some of your other critiques don’t work for me because I see ‘Revenge’ as more of a sopa opera than a drama series. Hella stuff happens that’s unbelievable, stuff that just seems like it’s meant to stir things up a bit (like Daniel and Ashley). So it doesn’t bother me so much. But ultimately I agree that the first season was on a whole ‘nother level. I watched that one on Netflix in a few sittings and I’d been wondering if THAT was part of the reason why I loved it so much. Glad to hear your thoughts on this one!

  6. im not excatly sure how i feel about this episode. it was good…i guess i was just expecting some kind of bang moment for a finale but a part of me kind of likes the fact that theres no real cliffhanger here..its more of a whats gonna play out feeling..

    • nicole, I know what you mean. I was surprised there wasn’t something cray at the end (like Scandal!!!) but it was also a nice change of pace, I thought.

  7. Tarah

    Someone needs to say it, the fashion on last night’s episode was amazing. Can I just have everything in Ashley’s closet, seriously? From the dress she wore at the shooting range thingy (obviously I’m not rich either, haha) to her dress at Grayson Global, to that red dress to the black one at the end…I just love it! And that white dress on Emily at the christening??? The girl looked so good to go to church it’s as if she was trying to make God forget all that bad ish she did with that dress!

    @Mark…”I don’t know how to feel about you and your perm yet” That was hilarious!!

    • Tarah, I obsess over the fashion in ever episode but yes! Especially Ashley Smashley’s red hooker dress.

      This: ‘it’s as if she was trying to make God forget all that bad ish she did with that dress!’ LMAO! You’re so right.

  8. Kiki1976

    Fave quote for me was when Conrad asked Victoria why the hell she slapped him–”Take your pick!”

  9. miguel

    SHANNON….LOLOLOLOL….”SMASHLEY” GIRL. You trynna give me a heart attack!? STAHP!!!

  10. miguel

    Would anyone else be surprised if Nolan/Padma/Marco had a love triangle/polygamous relationship…a threesome? LOL.

  11. JCZ

    The ending was a bit… oh, for a mid-season finale? After all we’ve seen more epic endings on normal weeks. With that said, it might be ABC’s tactic to hold onto viewers. I know some people get irritated with cliff-hangers that they lose interest (Lost and The Killing for example).

    I like that Ashley is getting served and I like that Emily was ‘kinda’ involved with it, from afar. It was like that revenge against your ex-BFF over your ex-BF debacle.

    This show can introduce third-cousins in the Grayson’s if they pleased, even real Amanda’s sudden secret evil twin… and I’d still want more, cause the writers IMO know how to spin a web.

    I’m somewhat glad it didn’t end one such a cliff hanging moment, but a more build up to the remaining episodes of the season. I mean, if it ended like last week’s Scandal I would’ve been peeved… and I’m glad we get two more eps of Scandal before the break, cause those BIG endings drive ya crazy!

    • JCZ, I thought the non-cliff hanger thing was a good idea too. We’ve had plenty on ‘Revenge,’ and I agree that– after ‘Scandal’– my nerves would not have been able to take it, lol!

  12. Shannon – “So the episode opened up with that shooting, um, party thing (I’m not rich so I don’t know what they call that)”
    LMAO! That whole scene, I just kept thinking where do these rich people find the perfect clothes for their rich people shooting party. And are the clothes washable or dry clean only? #RichPeopleProblems

  13. Aiden is so freaking HOT. I love him and pray every day that he doesn’t betray Emily. My heart won’t take it! And I’m also starting to enjoy the dynamic between Nolan and Aiden. I can totally see what Gabriel said in that interview about there being some type of underlying jealousy there and Nolan feeling a bit displaced by him. “Sacrificial lamb reporting for the slaughter”! Favorite quote of the episode! Nolan’s willingness to help Emily and to honor David Clarke keeps blowing my mind. I cannot wait to see what his “Trojan Horse” plan is gonna be and what Padma’s and Marco’s roles are going to be in it.

    Massive facepalm for Daniel! He doesn’t even realize that he is the biggest pawn in the history of pawns. After what he did to Aiden, I kind of not feel sorry for him… (sorry!)… The Graysons are the worse people to hand power to. As soon as they get a little bit of it, it goes straight to their heads and then they dig their own graves. He is his father’s son, after all. Tut tut tut…

    Did I sense a potential Emily-Victoria team up with that call at the end of the episode? )gasp* And if Emily goes back to Daniel, even if it is as part of her Reveng-y agenda, what is this going to do to her relationship with Aiden?! *gasp* I can feel the sexual tension even thinking about it. Jesus, take the wheel!

  14. LuieBoston

    LMAO…When I read this:

    “3. Oh Man, Ashley Really Is A Whore”

    I think i laughed for about 4 minutes straight!

  15. LuieBoston

    The reason season 2 has been a letdown boils down to one thing, ONE issue that will come back again even IF they get back on track and that is.:

    There isnt anybody left to do revengy things on! The whole point of bringing in “The Initiative” is to give Emily more people to take down which is what the fans want. So complain all you want about the Initiative being Alias (a comment that I have seen lifted and used by just about everybody without any creativity or bettter yet, solutions for how they would fix things.

    I also know that I personally wouldnt be able to wait months to see a TV show that I absolutely “LOVED” in its first season. I would be there watching the first episode of Season 2 LIVE. and I was. (Now I DVR them). I hope Revenget gets back on track but it cant be all Emily takedowns all the time…it would get tired fast.
    The problem Revenge has in my opinion is that it doesnt write the characters well.Faux- Emily was bad..now shes good. Danny was good, now he’s bad. (but hes hot so that one I can forgive!) Jack’s so nice, he’s boring. Ashley was never an angel, but sleeping with Conrad? That was character assassination. Nolan being bi? NO WAY!! Give me a break. Dude is gay! Look at him, listen to him..watch his eyes. He also has zero chemistry with no other woman except real Emily. The comment about hot guy with an accent was spot on. Agreed on the whole Emily’s mom storyline. WTF was that?
    If people are interested in the characters they will come back. Plot alone does not propel a show into longevity.
    I know that they are brining in Conrads FIRST family next year (yup, surprise). Hopefully these characters will be better developed.
    They need to fire a couple of writers and bring in some talented ones.
    End of rant.
    Love Live Revenge!

  16. Am I the only one that found it absolutely hilarious that Nolan has the same taste in women as he has for his men… !?! That scene in the office with Marco & Padma made me laugh, when I looked at them both I said they could be brother & sister!! lol

  17. Monie

    I literally laugh hysterically every time I read your recaps for Revenge and Scandal!

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