We’ve been waiting two whole weeks for this flashback episode of Revenge, and daaaaamn was it worth the wait! Two weeks ago we recapped what I thought was one of the best episodes ever, but I gotta say– this one was crazy awesome too. But what am I saying? This is Revenge! All the episodes are awesome, lol. But this was a special episode because we got so many amazing back stories, so many scary Russian dudes and finally, the Oh Hell Nawl moment we’ve been waiting for since Aiden’s sexy ass first came on the scene, lmao! Click inside for more!
Now we all lurve Revenge, but we also know this show is sometimes just, like, a series of cliffhangers. Scandal can be like that too, which is awesome… but it was so cool to have a flashback episode so that we could clear some ish up. For example, the Victoria Grayson question (which is basically, Where the funk did this bitch come from?!?!?) has finally, kinda been answered. I mean, meeting Victoria’s mom was almost as frightening as meeting ‘Emily’s mom (almost), and I was so pumped to learn more about her younger years. Aiden and ‘Emily’ were kicking ass all over Russia and it was also really cool to see how those two initially got it on an poppin’. How cute were they together? And how cute was Ashley the hooker… lol. No, actually she was not cute. That ish was cray… but we finally know a little more about her beginnings, which some of us have been wondering about.
This episode also showed a Grayson family that we kinda didn’t recognize. I mean, they were kinda nice to each other, right? Conrad seemed to have Victoria’s back and they almost seemed like a cool family… until Conrad burned Daniel’s poems and then it was like okay. That’s the Grayson family I know and lurve/loathe, lmao! Oh, and sidenote– I love the idea of Poet Daniel. OMG (How fierce we were when we were young/when we were unafraid of coming unhinged). Yespleasemorethankyou. Oh, and additional sidenote– I need a fireplace.
Nolan also got a little backstory and we were introduced to his old school boo, who is now coming back into the mix courtesy of Daniel Grayson (which can’t be good since this guy is a lover scorned). Honestly? Nolan’s 2006 boo was kinda cute!
He looks JUST like my 3rd grade Cape Verdean crush (Carlos Pena– shouts-out) probably looks right now, lmao. And finally, finally, the whole Declan/Jack/bar drama started to make sense! All in all, last night’s episode was a crazy good time. So let’s get to it!
Top 5 ‘Oh Hell Nawl’ Moments From ABC’s Revenge, Season 2, Episode 8: Lineage
1. Victoria Grayson… Has A Mom?!?!
Yo. It NEVER occurred to me that Victoria Grayson even had a mother, lmao! Like, seriously. Before this episode I thought she just sprung up from the depths of hell or something. But she had a Mommy! And because she had a Mommy, she necessarily has Mommy issues, lol. Seriously, Revenge is alll about the Mommy issues nowadays; Freud would be totally into it. I sooo loved meeting Mama Victoria and then experiencing Victoria’s flashbacks. First of all, how cute was Teenage Victoria?
Too bad she went through all that drama (i.e. Mom’s boyfriends creeping into her bedroom and then also having to help her Mom kill other boyfriends), otherwise she might have been a total sweetheart! But the Victoria we know now– she clearly gets it from her Mama. ‘It’ being the ‘grimey’ factor, and that crazy desperation to keep up with the Joneses… and to be the Joneses. At first, I couldn’t decide who was the worst (Victoria or her mom) but as the episode came to a close and we found out that she’d set her Mom up with that guy (who was basically a paid actor) for the sole purpose of screwing her over, I was like… oh heeeellllll nawl! That’s it! Victoria is still the Queen of Grime. I mean, that ish was ice cold! And their Thanksgiving dinner was about as awkward as Turkey day at Halle Berry’s.
Quote It: I have nothing! (Vicki’s Mom) But the fur on your back. (Victoria)
2. Why Is Russia Sooo Shady?!
Okay so I totally thought they were in Russia this whole time (shouts-out to PITNBRS Anna and JCZ for the edit), but Russia is still shady as hell and even though they were in NYC, I still need to know what’s up with that. First off, everyone was looking hella skanky, lol! ‘Emily’ was all slutty-looking, Ashley was an aspiring hooker, with an MFA in Art History?! Madness! I loved this flashback and I loved the bad guys. Everything I know about Russia I learned from that awesome David Cronenberg flick Eastern Promises, and that main dude that Aiden was after (Dmitri) totally reminded me of Viggo Mortensen’s character, lol! Okay– don’t make fun of my serious lack of exposure to Russian culture– I’m working on it. Anyway, it was a cool back story because now we know that ‘Emily’ and Ashley have been in cahoots for some time, although we still don’t know how they ended up kickin’ it in the Hamptons. And I think now we have a slightly better context for Aiden and ‘Emily’s relationship. Even when they first met and they were pretty much strangers, they were both still very protective of each other; it was so cute.
Awww… look at ‘Emily’ and Aiden taking down the Russian sex traffickers. True lurve:
Quote It:I don’t need friends, I need money (Ashley, upon realizing that a liberal arts education will often leave you weeping in a bathroom, preparing to sell your body to the highest Russian bidder).
3. Oh ISH: Aiden Really Is A Killer
Okay, so remember when Aiden killed the white-haired man and that was a whole big thing? Yeah, no. That was nothin’ compared to what he did to Sergei. OMG! Like, straight popped him! When Aiden starting asking questions about the whereabouts of his sister Colleen, I was like… this is not gonna be good. Something in his eyes told me that he, like, really wanted to kill that dude, lol. And then he did. And I was like, that’s right. Aiden kills people sometimes.
Quote It: If I remember correctly, the girl you call Colleen– she even grew to like it (famous last words from the Russian).
4. FINALLY! The Bar Story Starts To Get Interesting
Okay, we’ve all been waiting for this to happen. Ever since Dumbass Declan started breaking and entering we were all like, okay let’s get on with this– where is this going?! I loved that we finally found out what those two brothers have against Declan and Jack’s late father. Even though he didn’t actually pull the trigger, I’m sure they see him as responsible for their father’s death. And how crazy was it when the guy who actually killed their Dad (who, let’s be honest, kinda had it coming) was like Oh yeah, I kinda used your gun. We’re still cool, right? LMAO! Madness. But I thought this was a great revenge-y back story. Although, I am really scurred that they’re gonna hurt my poor Jack :(
Quote It: Me? I like Blue Label Scotch. Rich man’s candy.
5. Oh ISH: Who Gives A F*** If Aiden Is A Killer– He Finally Got It On And Poppin’ (Again) With ‘Emily’!!!
Thank You, That’s All I Wanted:
And Then He Called Her AMANDA:
Bonus Oh Hell Nawl Moment: Did y’all see the sneek peak for next week’s episode?! Was that ASHLEY getting it on and poppin’ with CONRAD GRAYSON?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!