‘Leave Robsten Alone!’ And Other Over-The-Top Reactions To The Kristen Stewart Cheating Scandal

You're Either Team Kristen Or Team Rob. Apparently.

Don’t act like you haven’t been scouring the internet looking for latest on the MADNESS that was yesterday’s Confessions Part III courtesy of Kristen Stewart. Yeah. Usher doesn’t have ish on her. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing worse than having somebody tell the world that they cheated on you. Oh and that they’re really sorry. Oh, and they love you sooo much. Lol, okay. Here’s my own confession: I have “issues” with people “cheating” because I may or may not have been a “cheater” for quite some time until the day I got “cheated on” and since then I’ve been especially hard on “cheaters” mainly to deal with my own emotional “issues” surrounding the “topic.” I used lots of air quotes so you wouldn’t know which part I was being sarcastic about or not. Totally worked, right? There. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s deal with this tragedy in the only way I know how to deal with tragedies of this magnitude: humor. Very funny, over-the-top, somewhat frightening reactions to Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders‘s scandal heard ’round the world, inside.

 

1. Remember Chris Crocker? Leave Britney Alooooone? Yeah. Well, he’s come back in the form of THE Twihard:

2. Ish got real on Tumblr. But then again, ish always gets real on Tumblr:
 


 

3. But lionandlambtumblr would not be outdone:
 


 

4. Still, not all of the K-Stew fans could stand by their woman. These ladies got ished on in the comments for releasing this statement:


 

5. Alexander Gold‘s “This Is All I Have To Say To Kristen Stewart” post:


*Note whatever episode or reunion show this was, I missed it. But I still thought it was hilarious.
 

6. And you know the Twitterverse was goin’ craaay:

7. But my personal favorite over-the-top reaction to K-Stew‘s cheating confession was a post on the ever-hilarious Buzz Feed. It’s titled “74 Reasons Why Kristen Stewart Really Messed Up. And this is the general idea of his argument:

1. This.


 

2. And this.


 

3. This as well.


 

4. Also this.


 

And he goes on to make similarly indisputable points 70 more times. It. Was. Hilarious. Go here now to read an argument that Nietzsche himself couldn’t take issue with.

So there you have it. The world wide web has spoken. You all have permission to go back up top and watch the Twihard fan again. I know. She was the best.

And if you find any responses that deserve a spot on this list, send me a link in the comments!

#WhatDoYouStandToAchieveByCheatingOnRobertPattinson???

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  1. LOL!!! I needed a laugh this morning. Thanks Shannon!

  2. This is all priceless. The tweets from @DarrenBelitsky & @Gobletoftweets are fantastic!

  3. Laura

    How could she cheat on a Englishmann?????

  4. Wynter

    I’m Team Please-calm-down-because-it’s-scary

  5. Syslak

    Thank you for that video. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  6. Sarine

    Best post ever! Totally made my day, and I’m not even a twilight fan! Totally entertaining :)

    • Agreed! I am not into Twilight at all and am not really following this story but this post was awesome.

    • Sarine and fab4runner, I think I’ve seen like, the first 2 films. I’m not sure. But I respect obsessions of all forms, lol. And this stuff was too intense not to share. Glad ya’ll are enjoying :)

  7. Lauren

    This was such a good post, so funny! “issues” with this “topic” DUDE! Me too! That’s why everyone is over-reacting!

    • Lauren :) You picked up on the confessional air quotes… lol. You’re right! We’re all taking this very personally, in some way or another, lol.

  8. Amarie

    I still can’t believe SHE cheated lol. I mean she is soo quiet and keeps to herself and not to mention a little weird and SHE cheated! That’s cray.

  9. Tiffany

    You know, if you think about it, it’s not that surprising that she cheated. Isn’t that how Robsten came to be? She cheated on her long time boyfriend to be with Rob! Which goes to say, once a cheater always a cheater. Irregardless (yes I know that’s not a real word, but I feel it fits) if she thought she had it bad with the media/fans before then she’s got another thing coming.

    • Tiffany, yeah I heard she was creeping with Rob first. But a cheater– just like anyone else– can change his/her behavior whenever he/she chooses. She’s chosen not to at this time. Which sucks for Rob.

  10. Lauri

    Oh man. I usually enjoy some tumblr, but had to stop going to the site yesterday because it was BLOWING up over it. Apparently there are a lot of closet-Twihards who couldn’t not freak about this.

  11. Samantha

    I knew the world was coming to an end when CNN interrupted their story about the crisis in Syria with breaking news about Kristen Stewart.

  12. Krissy

    From a PR stand point, I think Robsten should seize this as an opportunity. The Twi-hard crowd loves a good “love story” right? No great romance story is without conflict, conflict is what MAKES the story. They need to think of this like in the Notebook when Rachel McAdams gets engaged to that other guy. When Edward leaves Bella because of the mean vamps, etc. Without the conflict, you can’t have the super happy ending. Happy without end is boring. Happiness broken by conflict enables the payoff of a dramatic reunion.

    Have Rob leave her for a little bit…only to come rushing back to each other right before the premiere of the last movie. Make out in the rain. It will make the Twi-hards soooooo happy, and Robsten and the studio a TON of money! ;)

  13. Shannon

    I know he’s probably not that guy but I’m secretly hoping he’ll release a statement saying Kristen is a cheating whore and he’s done with her and her horrible acting. Taylor swift will probably be swooping in with her stink face any minute now too.

  14. Bradywantsmoore

    Omg that British girl is insane! And just plain sad, like gimme a break. It’s crazy for sure but fuuuck lol crazy British lady!! Made me laugh!

  15. tiffany

    Wow this is just nuts, honestly don’t care at all who cheated or not, its their personal live and they can screw it up anyway they like.This didn’t ruin Twilight for me. I don’t really like real life couples as leading actors together someitmes some things on shows or movies seem to personal to watch RL couples do. Besides KS acting is the very same in every movie I have ever seen her in,over it.

  16. Ben@pr

    Shannon I liked the following essay a lot and I think it’s pertinent given the Robsten break-up. What if Rob was the one who have cheated?
    Would people have been as tough with him or with the woman he would have cheated with?
    http://tomatonation.com/culture-and-criticism/a-four-letter-word/

    • @Ben@pr — I TOTALLY agree! Men get off fairly easy when they cheat … to this day, Angelina Jolie is vilified for breaking up Brad’s marriage to Jennifer Aniston — many YEARS and children later — and yet, Brad Pitt tends to get off easy even tho HE is the one who broke his marriage vows to Jen. I knew that Kristen Stewart would be the one to take the brunt of the blame here … even tho the man she got involved with is married with children. The sad truth remains, women are held to a different standard then men are … in almost every circumstance and usually to their discredit.

    • Ben@pr

      @Trent , the triangle that you mentioned was the first one I thought of but I didn’t mention it because some fans are still very defensive of those three and I feared it could turn into a post about them and me being attacked LOL.

    • @Ben@pr — You’re right to be concerned, I am amazed how heated people STILL get over that ANCIENT incident. OY!

    • Joan

      I agree, as well. I feel bad for her (only to some extent, though. I absolutely DO NOT agree with her actions) because she was at a huge disadvantage to begin with.

      Sadly, she is the most famous out of the two. People are more interested in Rob and Kristen, than they are on Rupert and Liberty. The public is focused on her. Add to that: she was dating freaking Robert Pattinson. Add to that: the “public” apology. (Seriously. I don’t know if that was her best idea…but hell, after this news it is just too easy to question her judgement…). For the overkill: She is famous, but not entirely popular. She is criticized for almost everything she does, good or bad, like breathing or not combing her hair. LOL I mean, cheating aside, there’s a lot of factors going on here besides misogyny. But yeah, there’s definitely some of that going on here too.

    • Ben@pr

      @Joan, totally agree with you in where KS stands in terms of popularity with the majority of the public outside the Twilight universe. She’s not America’s Sweetheart for sure. But for me that was the only thing I admired from her: she was the un-cliche and against all the stereotypes of Hollywood.

    • Joan

      As you wrote, “she was”. Which I also think it’s part of the hoopla. Because of the way she carried herself before all this, I think people misimagined her to be above it all…and know she kind of ended up giving them more than sufficient material to work with. *smh*

    • Ben, thanks for sharing this with me. It reminded me of a chapter from Vagina Monologues. I think it was called “Reclaiming ‘Cunt’.” Good stuff!

      I embraced the word “slut” for a long time. For the reasons outlined in the essay you shared. But then embracing “slut” became a new norm, to the point where it wasn’t so revolutionary (to me). For me, it became FAR more revolutionary to be committed to one person (for all of those lame, social reasons and for all of those sexy, slutty reasons, lol) so essays like this affect me in a more abstract way now.

      BUT of COURSE we all would have reacted differently if Rob cheated. This is a whoooole other conversation– the so-called double standard. I’ll say this; I’m not as bothered by the double standard as many people are. I DO believe women should be held to a different standard (sometimes). Not necessarily THIS standard, but we have IMMENSE power and that’s the main reason many people would see us bridled or controlled. Oh, don’t let me get into this! I love thinking about these things (as you well know by now) but I’m not sure where I stand. On a very basic level, people have sought to control how women make babies to determine the legitimacy (and paternity) of that baby since the beginning of time. It’s been VERY important that people know who a baby’s father is (this had more to do with inheritance back in the day, I think). If our society revolves around procreation (and money) and all that, our society revolves around women and the control thereof. OMG I am soooo going off on a hella tangent, lmao. But lemme finish! If women have multiple sexual partners, how will people know EXACTLY who the father is? Since forever, WHO YOUR FATHER IS has determined everything (in many societies) so WHO YOUR MOTHER (aka A WOMAN) has sex with is VERY important. And it’s easier for everyone if she has sex with one person. There. That’s why men can cheat and women can’t, lmao. We still think like this, with condoms and paternity tests and feminism we still think that a woman’s sexuality is too closely related to her ability to procreate which is too closely related to what makes the world go round. Keep tabs on who women are sexing and you’ve got the whole world in your hands. OMG. I’ve said too much. Thanks Ben :)

    • Ben@pr

      @Shannon, I’m glad you liked the essay!!! I found it while reading about The Break-Up and I immediately thought to post the link here. Good to know how you used to embrace the word “slut” and how and why it changed then. To me the only person that is not subjected to the double-standard is the “white, rich, straight man” if you are not that you WILL be criticized for almost everything. But that’s subject for another post.

      Interesting your point of view regarding why everyone wants to know with who or how many men a woman is sleeping with. But I think it also has to do with the Bible and the Virgins and all that it implicates. Like the essay pointed out that a woman is not marriage worthy if she has slept with many men and no one will take her seriously. If she enjoys casual sex now and then no other partnered woman will befriended her because she will “steal” her man. Because we men are brainless horny pieces of flesh that cannot commit to monogamous relationships, you know. To me the reasons go beyond to know who the father is but for sure is another reason.
      I liked your points of view and opinions regarding the subject
      ; )

    • Ben@pr

      @Shannon, after getting inspired and writing a reply when I submitted it didn’t appear. Here I go again.

      You’re welcome. I’m glad you liked the essay!!! After reading it I immediately thought to post the link in this blog. Good to know how you embraced the word “slut’ and how and why you changed your perspective about it then. To me the only person who is not subject of the double-standard is the rich and white straight man. If you are not him you WILL be judged for almost everything you do.
      I liked your point of view on why people want to know with how many men a woman has slept with. But in my opinion that ‘s one of the many reasons. I think it has to do a lot with the religious beliefs and the Bible and the Virgins and all the repercussions it has in society even in the liberal and modern one.
      Like the essay mentioned a woman who has slept with many men and just for pleasure and not for love or in committed relationships is not perceived as marriage material. What kind of man would want a “slut” as a mother for his “heavenly” children? Also a woman who enjoys casual sex now and then will not be befriended by the partnered woman who will fear her man will be steal by the slut. Because we men are just brainless and horny pieces of flesh incapable to be committed in a monogamous relationship, you know.
      I enjoyed reading your points of view regarding the essay and all the issues that were related to it ; )

  17. Joan

    LOL # 1 was just too much. Too funny.

    Kristen just needs to be single for a while. The girl has had a steady boyfriend since she was like 14 years old! Be single for a while, do what you got to do, get those hormones out of your system, settle down when your truly ready.

  18. Joe

    wots wrong with her forehead?

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