Don’t act like you haven’t been scouring the internet looking for latest on the MADNESS that was yesterday’s Confessions Part III courtesy of Kristen Stewart. Yeah. Usher doesn’t have ish on her. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing worse than having somebody tell the world that they cheated on you. Oh and that they’re really sorry. Oh, and they love you sooo much. Lol, okay. Here’s my own confession: I have “issues” with people “cheating” because I may or may not have been a “cheater” for quite some time until the day I got “cheated on” and since then I’ve been especially hard on “cheaters” mainly to deal with my own emotional “issues” surrounding the “topic.” I used lots of air quotes so you wouldn’t know which part I was being sarcastic about or not. Totally worked, right? There. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s deal with this tragedy in the only way I know how to deal with tragedies of this magnitude: humor. Very funny, over-the-top, somewhat frightening reactions to Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders’s scandal heard ’round the world, inside.
1. Remember Chris Crocker? Leave Britney Alooooone? Yeah. Well, he’s come back in the form of THE Twihard:
2. Ish got real on Tumblr. But then again, ish always gets real on Tumblr:
3. But lionandlambtumblr would not be outdone:
4. Still, not all of the K-Stew fans could stand by their woman. These ladies got ished on in the comments for releasing this statement:
5. Alexander Gold’s “This Is All I Have To Say To Kristen Stewart” post:
*Note whatever episode or reunion show this was, I missed it. But I still thought it was hilarious.
6. And you know the Twitterverse was goin’ craaay:
Let us all pray for Twilight fans/Twihards today. Their queen has failed them. Kristen Stewart now wears a scarlet letter.
— Alex Goldschmidt (@alexandergold) July 25, 2012
Unfortunately Kristen Stewart can’t show she’s sorry for cheating on Robert Pattinson because she has no facial expressions…
— Goblet Of Tweets ? (@GobletOfTweets) July 25, 2012
Can’t decide whether Kristen Stewart’s apology plays more like damage control or performance art.
— Caryn James (@carynjames) July 25, 2012
Did you really expect Kristen Stewart NOT to cheat on a man who starred in WATER FOR ELEPHANTS?
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) July 25, 2012
Everyone should please reserve judgement. Rob and Kristen are BOTH good people. I feel really bad for them right now.
— Shaun Robinson (@MsShaunRobinson) July 25, 2012
Kristen Stewart apologized to Robert Pattinson for cheating. You could tell it was heartfelt, because she bit her lip and blinked twice.
— Darren Belitsky (@DarrenBelitsky) July 25, 2012
Robert Pattinson & I both single?!… Coincidence, I think NOT.
— Marie Roda (@MarieMTV) July 25, 2012
“my mom just called me and she was like: ‘hey ! did you know kristen stewart cheated on ro…’ and i was like MOM shut up okay just SHUT UP.”
— Ashley Burns (@MayorBurnsy) July 25, 2012
Kristen Stewart has finally done something worse than coughing onstage at the Oscars
— Dan D’Addario (@DPD_) July 25, 2012
7. But my personal favorite over-the-top reaction to K-Stew’s cheating confession was a post on the ever-hilarious Buzz Feed. It’s titled “74 Reasons Why Kristen Stewart Really Messed Up. And this is the general idea of his argument:
2. And this.
3. This as well.
4. Also this.
And he goes on to make similarly indisputable points 70 more times. It. Was. Hilarious. Go here now to read an argument that Nietzsche himself couldn’t take issue with.
So there you have it. The world wide web has spoken. You all have permission to go back up top and watch the Twihard fan again. I know. She was the best.
And if you find any responses that deserve a spot on this list, send me a link in the comments!