Back in October we learned that MTV Jersey Shore star Mike The Situation Sorrentino became a published author with the release of his debut book Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore (available for purchase HERE). Tomorrow we take another step toward the apocalypse with the release of Jersey Shore star Nicole Snooki Polizzi‘s debut novel A Shore Thing … making her the SECOND published author among the cast of Jersey Shore.
This, my intrepid readers, is what Snooki‘s debut novel looks like. The New York Post managed to get their hands on a copy of this masterpiece of literature (most likely predominately written by a ghost writer with only the bare minimum input from Snooki herself) and graces us with a few pearls of magic from the self-professed guidette’s prose … behold:
* “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
* “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
* “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
* “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
* “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
* “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”
It should be noted that Snooki has confessed to only ready two books in her entire life — Twilight by Stephenie Myer and Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. Yeah.
In case you’re at all interested, you can procure a copy of A Shore Thing by Nicole Snooki Polizzi HERE. Happy reading!!
There’s actually a third book from a Jersey Shore castmember to be released. A dating book from J-Woww entitled “The Rules According to JWoww” due out in February.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31.....91698.html
I’m beyond ashamed to admit this… but the JWoww book sounds a little more interesting to me. This Snooki book – yeah – will be skippin’ it.
Wow. Those excerpts are bad…really bad.
UGH!
This is everything that’s wrong with America.
this makes no sense at all.. (and i like snooki, but writing a book isn’t something i would reccomened to her.srry)