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We have been hoodwinked … bamboozled … straight up lied to, y’all. Levi Johnston‘s manager Tank Jones insisted that he was “90% sure” that Levi would be showing his penis in his much ballyhooed Playgirl photospread (due out this week) but today we are learning that, in fact, Levi‘s photospread falls in that dreaded 10% land of no penis. According to Gawker, there will be no penis … I repeat, there will be no full frontal penis shown in Levi Johnston‘s Playgirl photospread:

Playgirl’s seen the results of last week’s photo shoot, and while there may be glimpses of Levi Johnston’s baby maker, there is no full-frontal shot. Let the blame game begin! Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio has released a statement blaming Levi’s manager Tank Jones. “He did not give ‘full-frontal’ as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We’re thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity.” That is very sad news indeed. Playgirl had one job to do: get a photo of that famous hockey stick and it failed to do so. Maybe ironically-named photographer Gregory Weiner couldn’t make an intimate connection with his model and convince him to bare all. Maybe Tank Jones was trying to keep him covered to protect his client’s image. Maybe Levi just got shy at the last minute and couldn’t go through with it. Still, after all the hype Tank created about how “fearless” Levi is and how he was ready to show us everything, we feel very let down and a little bit lied to. Tank was totally the madam that said we would have the full run of all the girls in the house, but when we arrived, all we got was a scratchy hand job from a buck-toothed cross-eye in a closet. That said, we still can’t wait to see the pictures.

Yep … this is a bunch of bullshizz, y’all. Last week we learned that Levi would be brandishing a hockey stick prop in his photospread but that sounds about the extent of any stick action we’ll be getting in these photos. On the one hand, I can’t say that I’m very surprised … even with the promise of “90%” certainty that he’d be showing his wang I wasn’t totally convinced it would be on full display. Not for nothing but I’m still curious to see how well this issue of Playgirl is received. I say, No wang? No way! What a rip off.

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