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Attention, Upper East Siders: OMFGWTFHOLLA!

Sources confirm exclusively that Gossip Girl’s Nov. 9 episode will feature three major characters having sex. At the same time. In the same bed. Together.

And I repeat: OMFHWTFHOLLA!

Though my Gossip mole has asked that I not ID the threesome (on the grounds that it would ruin a major upcoming storyline, or some such nonsense), I can confirm that the kinky tryst will involve one of the following combos…

Chuck/Blair/Nate: A recent study indicated that the only thing standing between GG and a 98 share in the show’s target 18-34 gay male demo is a scene with Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick in bed together naked. Leighton Meester can watch.

Chuck/Blair/Josh: You’ll recall that Josh is the gay NYU alum Blair tricks Chuck into kissing later this month. In other words, this trio’s already at first base!

Chuck/Blair/Dorota: Blair’s been on the lookout for a non-threatening third party to fulfill BF Chuck’s carnal desires. Enter her long-suffering maidservant. The best part? She’ll happily clean up afterwards!

Nate/Bree/Carter: One’s a Democrat. One’s a Republican. One’s (for the purposes of this story) an independent. Throw ‘em all together, and voila, you’ve got a threesome. Or at least one extra-sexy healthcare debate.

Serena/Carter/Georgina: Serena and Georgina’s dark past together probably included a drunken kiss somewhere along the line, so throwing S’s current BF into the equation isn’t much of a leap. More of a skip, really.

Serena/Dan/Blair: Was I the only one who picked up on something between Dan and Blair in this season’s “Freshman” episode? Didn’t think so. And since B and S pretty much do everything together…

Vanessa/Dan/Olivia: It’s only a matter of time before Vanessa and Dan take their platonic friendship to the next level. Who better to help them make that tricky transition than his current squeeze and her new roommate (played by Hilary Duff)?

Georgina/Dan/Olivia: Imagine Georgina, still smarting from Dan’s rejection, slipping him and his new GF a roofie and then proceeding to have her way with both of them. Wasn’t hard to imagine at all, was it?

Rufus/Lily/Mr. Van der Woodsen: Serena’s MIA dad returns with a secret: He’s bisexual and really horny. From there, the dots pretty much connect themselves.

So which threesome do you think will have a threesome?