Last week we got our first look at newlywed Heidi Montag on the cover of Playboy magazine and yesterday we got our first peek at some of the photos inside the issue. TMZ confirms that Heidi is not nekkid in any of the 6 pages of published photos in the magazine primarily because she insisted that there be a “No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass” policy for the Playboy shoot … which kinda negates the whole purpose of a Playboy shoot, don’t it? Additionally, the LA Times offers a few excerpts from Heidi and hubby Spencer Pratt‘s interview (um, why Spencer?) with the mag and — man — if you thought the couple were irritating before, wait ’til you hear Heidi talk about her views on feminism and Spencer talk about sex! OY!!
From TMZ: he only thing X-rated about Heidi Montag’s upcoming Playboy spread is the X-pletive you’re going to scream when you realize she’s not naked in any of the SIX PAGES of photos. Sources close to the barely PG-rated photo shoot tell TMZ, the magazine was under strict instructions when shooting Montag — “No nipples, no vagina, no ass.” Due to the third part of the agreement, Spencer will not be appearing in any of the pictures.
From LA Times: Spencer Pratt actually got to interview his wife, Heidi Pratt, for Playboy. Well, that makes it easy. Here’s what Heidi told Spencer about their sex life, other women and plastic surgery …
On sex with Spencer: “I was never very sexual before I met Spencer. … Before [Spencer], sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute of the day. … I feel as if I’m just beginning to know my body with [Spencer]. [He’s] waking me up to what’s possible, and it makes me want to try every new thing, doing it all kinds of ways – indoors, outdoors, upside down.”
On other women: “If they aren’t hating on you, then you’re not doing anything right. If women aren’t jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down, then you’re a nerd, and I would never want to be that.”
On her plastic surgery: “When I was shopping for my boobs, I wanted the best, so I sat down and flipped through a bunch of Playboys.”
On MORE plastic surgery: “I plan to get a few more upgrades. … I’m sure as I get older I’ll need some touch-ups. I’m definitely not done with my surgical quest. I think I want to go bigger on my boobs for [Spencer]. … Let’s do [another Playboy photo shoot] again when I get the upgrades.”
Ready for Spencer‘s revelations about himself? After the jump, find out …
On Lauren Conrad’s sex tape: “I was lying about being apologetic [about spreading sex tape rumors], and I hate lying. …Yes, I facilitated the rumor, but it was true. Lauren was acting like she was little miss perfect goody two-shoes while [her ex-boyfriend] Jason Wahler was trying to shop the tape. The tape exists!”
On his sex life with Heidi: “Life with [Heidi] is like 24/7 porn but without the obnoxious charges. … I never imagined in my whole life I would meet a female as sexual as [Heidi is].”
On Heidi’s Playboy photo shoot: “I am so beyond excited knowing my wife is [posing in Playboy]. … I wanted to shut down production after every outfit change so I could enjoy [Heidi] all to myself.”
On “I’m a Celebrity …Get Me Out of Here!”: “The worst part for me was that hooking up was a physical impossibility … and I wasn’t about to do it on TV because they’d have to pay us a lot more to show that.”
Ugh … I mean … UGH! This has to be THE most nauseatingly, annoying interview ever conducted … EVER. I’m not sure what’s worse, Heidi‘s vapid commentary on being a woman or Spencer‘s sex confessions. I mean, even the haters have to admit that this crap is far worse than even their most irritatingly annoying previous accomplishments. Whether you hate them or loathe them, you gotta admit … this Playboy interview might serve as the death knell of Speidi‘s media reign. The couple have been losing steam for some time now, this interview and failed Playboy photospread just might be the final nail in the coffin of the couple’s media run. Do y’all think this is the end of Speidi or do they have the ability to annoy even further?
Ugh what planet is she on? I’m a chick and I despise her, and I would never be jealous of her in a million years. Gross.
[...] Mischa Barton’s Legs Aren’t Livin’ “The Beautiful Life” (Moe Jackson) Heidi Montag Told ‘Playboy’ Magazine ‘No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass’ (Pink Is The New Blog) [...]
um… forgot “no big deal”.
I just vomited a bit. Thanks.
ugh. trent, please follow E!’s lead and stop talking about them! they are SO not worth it
Yes, seriously, please be nice to my eyes and my brain and my very delicate emotions by not posting about them anymore. I’m begging you……………Lord, that Heidi chick is such a walking void. And Spencer is the lamest, tackiest thing ever. What a coupla douchebags!!!!!!
[...] Holly Madison Brings Out The Guns (Moe Jackson) Heidi Montag: No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass (Pink Is The New Blog) [...]
After this, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a flood of subscription cancellations over this. The PLAYBOY management couldn’t make a purse out of this pig’s ear if they had the entire genome at their command. The spread wouldn’t even pass muster on MAXIM. Whoever greenlit this turd should be cleaning out his desk and get another job.
I can think of a hundred girls who should do PLAYBOY. This woman shouldn’t even do THE WEEKLY STANDARD.
trent, as long as you give them attention then YES, they will survive. STOP posting about them and then maybe if others follow suit, these losers will go away
Please stop posting Heidi and Spencer updates, they’re so pathetic!
nah, were going to keep paying attention, cause spencer is so clearly gay (as indicated by his overcompensating hetero-oriented comments) and we all want to watch the fall-out when he comes out, or heidi finally figures it out.
I agree with so many comments, Ive never been happier being a ‘nerd’ and for the love of god and all that is great NO MORE ON THESE TWO PLEAASEEE! I’m going to use all my eye bleach on these guys soon D:
ugh! who the hell do these two think they are? they act like they are royalty or something! they are like that annoying fly you just can’t swat away! seriously heidi your personality is just as plastic as your body!
PLEASE STOP POSTING “NEWS” ABOUT THESE TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many objections is it going to take, Trent???? Pleeeeeeeease for the love of all that is Kylie, stop enabling these horrible people…