Last week we got our first look at newlywed Heidi Montag on the cover of Playboy magazine and yesterday we got our first peek at some of the photos inside the issue. TMZ confirms that Heidi is not nekkid in any of the 6 pages of published photos in the magazine primarily because she insisted that there be a “No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass” policy for the Playboy shoot … which kinda negates the whole purpose of a Playboy shoot, don’t it? Additionally, the LA Times offers a few excerpts from Heidi and hubby Spencer Pratt‘s interview (um, why Spencer?) with the mag and — man — if you thought the couple were irritating before, wait ’til you hear Heidi talk about her views on feminism and Spencer talk about sex! OY!!
From TMZ: he only thing X-rated about Heidi Montag’s upcoming Playboy spread is the X-pletive you’re going to scream when you realize she’s not naked in any of the SIX PAGES of photos. Sources close to the barely PG-rated photo shoot tell TMZ, the magazine was under strict instructions when shooting Montag — “No nipples, no vagina, no ass.” Due to the third part of the agreement, Spencer will not be appearing in any of the pictures.
From LA Times: Spencer Pratt actually got to interview his wife, Heidi Pratt, for Playboy. Well, that makes it easy. Here’s what Heidi told Spencer about their sex life, other women and plastic surgery …
On sex with Spencer: “I was never very sexual before I met Spencer. … Before [Spencer], sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute of the day. … I feel as if I’m just beginning to know my body with [Spencer]. [He’s] waking me up to what’s possible, and it makes me want to try every new thing, doing it all kinds of ways – indoors, outdoors, upside down.”
On other women: “If they aren’t hating on you, then you’re not doing anything right. If women aren’t jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down, then you’re a nerd, and I would never want to be that.”
On her plastic surgery: “When I was shopping for my boobs, I wanted the best, so I sat down and flipped through a bunch of Playboys.”
On MORE plastic surgery: “I plan to get a few more upgrades. … I’m sure as I get older I’ll need some touch-ups. I’m definitely not done with my surgical quest. I think I want to go bigger on my boobs for [Spencer]. … Let’s do [another Playboy photo shoot] again when I get the upgrades.”
Ready for Spencer‘s revelations about himself? After the jump, find out …
On Lauren Conrad’s sex tape: “I was lying about being apologetic [about spreading sex tape rumors], and I hate lying. …Yes, I facilitated the rumor, but it was true. Lauren was acting like she was little miss perfect goody two-shoes while [her ex-boyfriend] Jason Wahler was trying to shop the tape. The tape exists!”
On his sex life with Heidi: “Life with [Heidi] is like 24/7 porn but without the obnoxious charges. … I never imagined in my whole life I would meet a female as sexual as [Heidi is].”
On Heidi’s Playboy photo shoot: “I am so beyond excited knowing my wife is [posing in Playboy]. … I wanted to shut down production after every outfit change so I could enjoy [Heidi] all to myself.”
On “I’m a Celebrity …Get Me Out of Here!”: “The worst part for me was that hooking up was a physical impossibility … and I wasn’t about to do it on TV because they’d have to pay us a lot more to show that.”
Ugh … I mean … UGH! This has to be THE most nauseatingly, annoying interview ever conducted … EVER. I’m not sure what’s worse, Heidi‘s vapid commentary on being a woman or Spencer‘s sex confessions. I mean, even the haters have to admit that this crap is far worse than even their most irritatingly annoying previous accomplishments. Whether you hate them or loathe them, you gotta admit … this Playboy interview might serve as the death knell of Speidi‘s media reign. The couple have been losing steam for some time now, this interview and failed Playboy photospread just might be the final nail in the coffin of the couple’s media run. Do y’all think this is the end of Speidi or do they have the ability to annoy even further?
Jesus Christ. There are two things about this that made me angry. Her comment about being a “nerd” was completely uncalled for and stupid. And I’m oddly protective of Lauren and for him to even agree to comment on her and the alleged sex tape is just disgusting.
God I hate them so much. I wish I could think of a stronger word other than hate…..
That is just so disgusting. I want them to be eliminated from the planet.
I really wish everyone would go the e-online route and start ignoring their existence. Pretty please with a cherry on top, Trent?
@CB – I couldn’t agree with you more.
The only thing I can say is…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!
How hilarious. I can’t imagine that ANYONE would actually be a fan of them now.
@Ally- I’ve been wishing for that too! When I heard what E-Online did I was seriously excited and I hope that everyone starts to do this. :D
I agree, CB… a big WHEW… thank goodness I am a total nerd! LOL
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The only way they will disapper is if people/media stop reporting about them or blogging about them. They are so annoying.
Why not show her ass?? He’s with her in most of her other pics…
@PixiesBassline — “Why not show her ass?? He’s with her in most of her other pics” LOL! Comment win of the day!!!
judging by the cover pic i’d say she’s into scat
I am tempted to not read any magazine or website that shows these two. Trent, I loves ya so much, and I love what you write about (usually), but for the love of Mariah can we just stop hearing about these two?
We don’t “love to hate them” we JUST hate them. Speidi blackout on PITNB! Please!
Gosh! I agree, I think every website just needs to stop posting things about them. Thats all they want! SO ANNOYING!!!
What was the point in her being in Playboy then? This was the dumbest spread/article I have ever seen/read. I hope this issue is the worst selling issue in Playboy history and they finally go away.
Heidi can pose semi-nude for playboy, get fake boobs, bleach her hair, mouth off about what a sexual vixen she is,etc., but she’ll never be cool because she’s still Heidi.
@CB…amen!
I can’t imagine anyone buying this magazine. Why would they? She doesn’t take off her clothes…which is what the magazine is all about. And the interview is borders on the ridiculous. This couple is a joke!
you forgot… no talent, no amusement, no intelligence, no all natural guarantee, no …
Oh you get the point, fill in your own joke here.
I thought she said earlier that she did pose nude, but those pics weren’t used?
And on the nerd thing, I’m a nerd and proud of it. If someone says all I have going for me is brains, or there’s nothing to talk about or cut down, that’s FINE with me. Hate to be lumped with someone like Heidi….
am i the only one who finds her facial expression of the cover picture totally disgusting? it’s not sexy at all. not that she ever is, but you get it.
I think all media should do what the mens websites did last week with Megan Fox, where they wouldnt post any thing about her for an entire day. I think that should happen for these two, permenantly! If no one prints anything about them they will eventually just fade away. Plus they are the type who follow the “all publicity is good publicity” motto, so lets annoy them as much as they annoy us and pretend the dont exist.