Heidi Montag Told ‘Playboy’ Magazine ‘No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass’
Last week we got our first look at newlywed Heidi Montag on the cover of Playboy magazine and yesterday we got our first peek at some of the photos inside the issue. TMZ confirms that Heidi is not nekkid in any of the 6 pages of published photos in the magazine primarily because she insisted that there be a “No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass” policy for the Playboy shoot … which kinda negates the whole purpose of a Playboy shoot, don’t it? Additionally, the LA Times offers a few excerpts from Heidi and hubby Spencer Pratt’s interview (um, why Spencer?) with the mag and — man — if you thought the couple were irritating before, wait ’til you hear Heidi talk about her views on feminism and Spencer talk about sex! OY!!
From TMZ: he only thing X-rated about Heidi Montag’s upcoming Playboy spread is the X-pletive you’re going to scream when you realize she’s not naked in any of the SIX PAGES of photos. Sources close to the barely PG-rated photo shoot tell TMZ, the magazine was under strict instructions when shooting Montag — “No nipples, no vagina, no ass.” Due to the third part of the agreement, Spencer will not be appearing in any of the pictures.
From LA Times: Spencer Pratt actually got to interview his wife, Heidi Pratt, for Playboy. Well, that makes it easy. Here’s what Heidi told Spencer about their sex life, other women and plastic surgery …
On sex with Spencer: “I was never very sexual before I met Spencer. … Before [Spencer], sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute of the day. … I feel as if I’m just beginning to know my body with [Spencer]. [He’s] waking me up to what’s possible, and it makes me want to try every new thing, doing it all kinds of ways – indoors, outdoors, upside down.”
On other women: “If they aren’t hating on you, then you’re not doing anything right. If women aren’t jealous of you, talking about you and cutting you down, then you’re a nerd, and I would never want to be that.”
On her plastic surgery: “When I was shopping for my boobs, I wanted the best, so I sat down and flipped through a bunch of Playboys.”
On MORE plastic surgery: “I plan to get a few more upgrades. … I’m sure as I get older I’ll need some touch-ups. I’m definitely not done with my surgical quest. I think I want to go bigger on my boobs for [Spencer]. … Let’s do [another Playboy photo shoot] again when I get the upgrades.”
Ready for Spencer’s revelations about himself? After the jump, find out …
On Lauren Conrad’s sex tape: “I was lying about being apologetic [about spreading sex tape rumors], and I hate lying. …Yes, I facilitated the rumor, but it was true. Lauren was acting like she was little miss perfect goody two-shoes while [her ex-boyfriend] Jason Wahler was trying to shop the tape. The tape exists!”
On his sex life with Heidi: “Life with [Heidi] is like 24/7 porn but without the obnoxious charges. … I never imagined in my whole life I would meet a female as sexual as [Heidi is].”
On Heidi’s Playboy photo shoot: “I am so beyond excited knowing my wife is [posing in Playboy]. … I wanted to shut down production after every outfit change so I could enjoy [Heidi] all to myself.”
On “I’m a Celebrity …Get Me Out of Here!”: “The worst part for me was that hooking up was a physical impossibility … and I wasn’t about to do it on TV because they’d have to pay us a lot more to show that.”
Ugh … I mean … UGH! This has to be THE most nauseatingly, annoying interview ever conducted … EVER. I’m not sure what’s worse, Heidi’s vapid commentary on being a woman or Spencer’s sex confessions. I mean, even the haters have to admit that this crap is far worse than even their most irritatingly annoying previous accomplishments. Whether you hate them or loathe them, you gotta admit … this Playboy interview might serve as the death knell of Speidi’s media reign. The couple have been losing steam for some time now, this interview and failed Playboy photospread just might be the final nail in the coffin of the couple’s media run. Do y’all think this is the end of Speidi or do they have the ability to annoy even further?
Tags: Heidi Montag-Pratt, Playboy Magazine, Spencer Pratt
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August 13th, 2009 at 10:10 am
….you forgot self-serving from your list of adjectives.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:13 am
UGH… That interview is SO annoying, her views on women… COME ON!
I think they are one their way out of the media world, I mean the E! Channel already banned them after a public vote on their website. Soon all media will follow.
Really, WHO wants to hear about those two!?!??
August 13th, 2009 at 10:14 am
oh if wishing made it so. i thought the wedding would be the last we heard of them, then i thought the failed “i’m a celebrity…get me outta here” stunt would be the last of them, they’re like cockroaches…they’d survive a nuclear fallout and still be spouting their vain and shallow commentary int he aftermath. i would think playboy would have more pride than to allow someone like heidi to do a cover shoot. (and to let spencer do that worthless interview.)
August 13th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Why do they think we want to hear about their sex life, for God’s sake? Their parents must be SO proud. LOL.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:15 am
trent! that headline should read ‘no nipples, no vagina, no ass, no brain’
August 13th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Ugh, they make me ill. They are the most self-righteous scumbags I have ever had the displeasure of knowing about. And her views on women? Trust me honey, I am in no way jealous of you and your fake tits, lips, nose, marriage, etc.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:20 am
i just threw up in my mouth a little.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:22 am
If Heidi didn’t even pose nude, why would Playboy want her anyway? Of course all us normal people would never ever want to see that, but what’s the point? Everything that comes out of her mouth is ridiculous. I could see it being a huge deal if she was butt ass naked after all the Jesus bullshiz she spews out but they aren’t even risque photos… and her woman response sounds like a typical cocky bitch that thinks everyone is jealous of her.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:24 am
playboy must be desperate.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:25 am
She is really annoying…………..although my husband really likes her!
August 13th, 2009 at 10:26 am
You know, I usually live by the whole… ‘people can do as they wish as long as now one’s getting hurt’ philosophy, but honestly, there’s simply no justification for these two having a podium to speak on. None. The fact that they both perpetuate these ultra-superficial notions and get paid to do it… it’s just sad. They have become charicatures of themselves, which I didn’t think was possible, what with them not having that must substance in the first place.
Please, can we start banning anything to do with them? The fact that they get this coverage… that we’re talking about them is ultimately giving them what they want.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:26 am
They are DONE!!!!
but I wouldn’t put it past them to leak some Nipples or Vag once they realize they are over.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:27 am
That was the worst interview ever. They both are TMI and should keep things private away from the public. I can’t believe that they are still dissing Lauren when she is gone from the show.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:27 am
btw, where is their Christianity talk in this magazine? Did God tell her to pose but don’t get naked?
August 13th, 2009 at 10:33 am
UGH. This interview made me sick. I looked the whole interview up, and it’s even more nauseating than just those excerpts that TMZ published. All Heidi talks about is how girls are SO jealous of her, when we’re most definitely not, and about how many orgasms she has in one day. And Spencer just talked about how he’s the luckiest man in the world to be having so much sex every day, and how he can stare at a life-size picture of a naked Heidi while he pees. These people are so obnoxious!!!
August 13th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Not only does this interview show how ridic they are with views on sex, feminisim and themselves but Playboy just went down 10 notches in my book! WTF were they thinking letting them be in this magazine??? I really do not understand!
August 13th, 2009 at 10:44 am
The next thing they will do is have a baby and film the birth for a reality show other then The Hills !
August 13th, 2009 at 10:48 am
I have never been prouder to be a nerd. Thanks, Heidi!
August 13th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@samantha – The thought of a these two raising a child concerns me greatly. I can only imagine the gem there child will grow to be with 2 vapid insipid parents.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:55 am
So he hates lying…but he lied about the sex tape? hmmm
August 13th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Jesus Christ. There are two things about this that made me angry. Her comment about being a “nerd” was completely uncalled for and stupid. And I’m oddly protective of Lauren and for him to even agree to comment on her and the alleged sex tape is just disgusting.
God I hate them so much. I wish I could think of a stronger word other than hate…..
August 13th, 2009 at 11:01 am
That is just so disgusting. I want them to be eliminated from the planet.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I really wish everyone would go the e-online route and start ignoring their existence. Pretty please with a cherry on top, Trent?
August 13th, 2009 at 11:08 am
@CB – I couldn’t agree with you more.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:14 am
The only thing I can say is…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!
How hilarious. I can’t imagine that ANYONE would actually be a fan of them now.
@Ally- I’ve been wishing for that too! When I heard what E-Online did I was seriously excited and I hope that everyone starts to do this. :D
August 13th, 2009 at 11:15 am
I agree, CB… a big WHEW… thank goodness I am a total nerd! LOL
August 13th, 2009 at 11:18 am
[...] Mischa Barton’s Legs Aren’t Livin’ “The Beautiful Life” (Moe Jackson) Heidi Montag Told ‘Playboy’ Magazine ‘No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass’ (Pink Is The New Blog) [...]
August 13th, 2009 at 11:29 am
The only way they will disapper is if people/media stop reporting about them or blogging about them. They are so annoying.
August 13th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Why not show her ass?? He’s with her in most of her other pics…
August 13th, 2009 at 11:44 am
judging by the cover pic i’d say she’s into scat
August 13th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I am tempted to not read any magazine or website that shows these two. Trent, I loves ya so much, and I love what you write about (usually), but for the love of Mariah can we just stop hearing about these two?
We don’t “love to hate them” we JUST hate them. Speidi blackout on PITNB! Please!
August 13th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Gosh! I agree, I think every website just needs to stop posting things about them. Thats all they want! SO ANNOYING!!!
August 13th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@PixiesBassline — “Why not show her ass?? He’s with her in most of her other pics” LOL! Comment win of the day!!!
August 13th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
What was the point in her being in Playboy then? This was the dumbest spread/article I have ever seen/read. I hope this issue is the worst selling issue in Playboy history and they finally go away.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Heidi can pose semi-nude for playboy, get fake boobs, bleach her hair, mouth off about what a sexual vixen she is,etc., but she’ll never be cool because she’s still Heidi.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@CB…amen!
August 13th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I can’t imagine anyone buying this magazine. Why would they? She doesn’t take off her clothes…which is what the magazine is all about. And the interview is borders on the ridiculous. This couple is a joke!
August 13th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
you forgot… no talent, no amusement, no intelligence, no all natural guarantee, no …
Oh you get the point, fill in your own joke here.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I thought she said earlier that she did pose nude, but those pics weren’t used?
And on the nerd thing, I’m a nerd and proud of it. If someone says all I have going for me is brains, or there’s nothing to talk about or cut down, that’s FINE with me. Hate to be lumped with someone like Heidi….
August 13th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
am i the only one who finds her facial expression of the cover picture totally disgusting? it’s not sexy at all. not that she ever is, but you get it.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I think all media should do what the mens websites did last week with Megan Fox, where they wouldnt post any thing about her for an entire day. I think that should happen for these two, permenantly! If no one prints anything about them they will eventually just fade away. Plus they are the type who follow the “all publicity is good publicity” motto, so lets annoy them as much as they annoy us and pretend the dont exist.
August 13th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Ugh what planet is she on? I’m a chick and I despise her, and I would never be jealous of her in a million years. Gross.
August 13th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
[...] Mischa Barton’s Legs Aren’t Livin’ “The Beautiful Life” (Moe Jackson) Heidi Montag Told ‘Playboy’ Magazine ‘No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass’ (Pink Is The New Blog) [...]
August 13th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
um… forgot “no big deal”.
August 13th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
I just vomited a bit. Thanks.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
ugh. trent, please follow E!’s lead and stop talking about them! they are SO not worth it
August 14th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Yes, seriously, please be nice to my eyes and my brain and my very delicate emotions by not posting about them anymore. I’m begging you……………Lord, that Heidi chick is such a walking void. And Spencer is the lamest, tackiest thing ever. What a coupla douchebags!!!!!!
August 14th, 2009 at 9:39 am
[...] Holly Madison Brings Out The Guns (Moe Jackson) Heidi Montag: No Nipples, No Vagina, No Ass (Pink Is The New Blog) [...]
August 14th, 2009 at 10:42 am
After this, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a flood of subscription cancellations over this. The PLAYBOY management couldn’t make a purse out of this pig’s ear if they had the entire genome at their command. The spread wouldn’t even pass muster on MAXIM. Whoever greenlit this turd should be cleaning out his desk and get another job.
I can think of a hundred girls who should do PLAYBOY. This woman shouldn’t even do THE WEEKLY STANDARD.
August 14th, 2009 at 10:53 am
trent, as long as you give them attention then YES, they will survive. STOP posting about them and then maybe if others follow suit, these losers will go away
August 14th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Please stop posting Heidi and Spencer updates, they’re so pathetic!
August 14th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
nah, were going to keep paying attention, cause spencer is so clearly gay (as indicated by his overcompensating hetero-oriented comments) and we all want to watch the fall-out when he comes out, or heidi finally figures it out.
August 14th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
I agree with so many comments, Ive never been happier being a ‘nerd’ and for the love of god and all that is great NO MORE ON THESE TWO PLEAASEEE! I’m going to use all my eye bleach on these guys soon D:
August 17th, 2009 at 6:12 am
ugh! who the hell do these two think they are? they act like they are royalty or something! they are like that annoying fly you just can’t swat away! seriously heidi your personality is just as plastic as your body!
August 17th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
PLEASE STOP POSTING “NEWS” ABOUT THESE TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many objections is it going to take, Trent???? Pleeeeeeeease for the love of all that is Kylie, stop enabling these horrible people…